Man Wonders If He Is In The Wrong For Refusing To Adopt Dying Ex-Girlfriend’s Son

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couple fighting on the bed

A man is looking for the internet's help with a tricky situation in his personal life.

He took to Reddit's "Am I The Asshole" thread to ask if he is an a**hole for not wanting to adopt his ex’s child after she told him she could die soon. 

The former couple had met on a dating app 7 years ago when the woman’s son was 6 months old at the time. Pretty soon into the relationship they moved in together and as time went on he started caring for her son and eventually the child started calling him “papa.” 

However, after they had been together for almost five years the woman supposedly said she wanted to break up because he “became boring and not an active person.” 

He explained, “It was a rough time after that and I had a hard time accepting it (although not as hard as having to explain a 5 year old that he'll no longer be seeing his ‘papa’)”

Now, the creator is working at a better job that allows him to work remotely and has given him more freedom to travel. 

But, a few days ago the ex called him with a pretty serious request. 

The woman called and explained she is currently sick and at the hospital. Doctors had recently found a tumour in her breast and would need to have it removed. 

“She is scared that she might die if it doesn't work out and asked me if I would be willing to become her son's legal guardian and adopt him, since she has no one else to ask” he said in the post.

But he refused. 

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“I live a different lifestyle now, travel a lot and invest in myself, so I told her that I can't do that. She told me that her son misses me and would love to see me, but I said no again and she started crying and calling me names, before cutting the call,” he further explained. 

He reportedly went to his family for advice and they told him it was not okay to refuse it after his time with them. 

He ended the post by saying he feels like trash and asked if he was in the wrong. 

Many seem to believe that he is not at fault. 

The top comment on the thread reads, “NTA," which means not the a**hole, "If my math is right, you broke up about 2 years ago, which is a long time for a young child."

"Of course we would remember you but it's not like you're close at this point. The chances of her dying in the short term are pretty low. Letting her know you are not available allows her to make different plans in the longer term.”

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One comment asked for more background information and explained it depends on why the man has not seen the son. 

“Did the mother say; my kid, get lost. Or did OP just think, we’ve broken up. No longer my problem. If the Mother refused access then defo NTA as that bond that you had has finished due to no fault of your own.” 

The user continued, “However if when she broke up with OP he made no effort to be a part of his life due to them not being in a relationship with the mum I’d say YTA cos OP has then essentially punished the kid cos mum doesn’t want a relationship anymore.”

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The man tried to keep in touch with the son. 

The poster actually responded to this and said, “As I wrote somewhere earlier, I messaged her on Facebook a month after the breakup, asking about the kiddo, was left on seen and later removed from her friend list. I don't know what else could I do.. I took it as a hint to not bother her anymore.” 

The commenter then responded by clarifying that the poster was “defo NTA.” 

However, one user, Master-Manipulation, seemed to also look at the situation from the ex’s point of view. 

Although, the commenter did say he is ultimately not in the wrong, they say to consider taking the child in. 

“I’m not going to say the ex is an AH for asking because cancer is scary, especially when you have a kid depending on you. It’s natural to feel upset, anxious, scared, and even desperate and want to plan for the worst case scenario” the comment read. 

It is definitely a difficult and sad situation. What do you think?

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Sydney Taylor is a writer who focuses on News and Entertainment topics.