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She hid the child from him for five years.
By Isaac Serna-Diez
Last updated on Dec 18, 2023
A man took to Reddit seeking advice after his ex-girlfriend, who he refers to as “Jane,” tried to come back into his life to receive child support money for their 5-year-old — a son he said he knew nothing about.
Years after their breakup, the man's ex revealed that they had a son together.
In his post, the man explained that his ex cheated on him with his then-roommate. After catching them together, the man wrote that he moved out of state to start anew, cutting contact with his ex completely. But after landing a high-salary position and posting about his engagement to his new partner, his ex has now reached out to him for child support after years of not telling him that they had a child together.
“I thought Jane was full of it because it had been six months between me catching her cheating and me moving away before changing my number, and years between then and now,” he explained. “Plenty of time for Jane to realize that she was pregnant and contact me about it, or even come after me for child support,” he said, noting that “it wasn't until Jane came across my account and saw how nice my life was that she felt like her son deserved the financial benefits as well.”
Though a paternity test proved he is the father, his ex has banned him from seeing their child.
According to the man's post, his ex listed the man she cheated with as the legal father on the child's birth certificate. While child support laws vary by state, typically the man listed as the legal father is responsible for child support, according to Mackey Law Group. Things can become murky, though, if the biological father is made aware that he's a father down the road.
After taking a DNA test to prove paternity, the man agreed to pay child support under one condition: he wanted to see his child.
Unfortunately, his ex and her husband weren't on board with that plan, calling him "selfish."
“Ted was upset and refused to sign away his rights and doesn't want me around ‘his son,’” the man explained. "I promptly told him that if I'm gonna pay child support then I'm entitled to all the legal rights that a father is entitled to and that they wouldn't get a dime from me until then."
People on Reddit — and the law — are on the man's side.
Unsurprisingly, people in the comments were shocked at his ex's behavior.
“So years later she wants you to bankroll her happy family but never see the kid? I wouldn’t be ok with that either,” read the top comment.
Others questioned the legality of his ex's expectations.
"I think the law is on your side — If Ted has full parental rights and you have NONE, you do not owe child support. What essentially happened is an adoption. I’m certain there is a way to have joint custody at least on paper," someone surmised.
While the law surrounding custody, visitation and child support are complex, paternity can be established through paternity testing or legally acknowledging a child as your own, both of which have happened in this case. Additionally, child support payments can be terminated once a parent relinquishes their parental rights, which is essentially what the ex is asking this man to do.
Ultimately, the child's well-being should be prioritized.
As the person who questioned the legality if the ex's request pointed out, at five years old, the child only knows Ted as his father, so expecting him to "sign away all of his parental rights" so the biological father can pay child support probably isn't the answer, nor is keeping him from his biological father.
In the event that his ex won and he wouldn't get to meet his child, the man claimed that he wouldn't leave his son with nothing.
"If they refuse then I'll just start a savings account for the kid until he's an adult," he wrote, while commenters urged him to find a lawyer.
Isaac Serna-Diez is a writer who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice and relationships.