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Man Recalls A Dating Catastrophe When He Invited A Felon He Met Online Over To Hangout

Photo: Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
Man and woman at dinner

There exists a subreddit where people explain stories by setting the precedent of, “Today I F--ked Up,” called “r/TIFU.”

One man shared how he messed up by inviting a girl over to his place, not expecting the night to take a turn for the worst before he had to go to work the next day.

His second date turned into a night of horror after his date started drinking during dinner.

In order to provide some context, he explained how he met the girl on Facebook Dating and had gone on his first date with her over the weekend.

“I did notice that she only smiled with her top row of teeth in the pictures and figured that her bottom teeth might be effed up, but didn't think much of it,” he explained, already pointing out potential red flags. “She had trad wife energy and I was into it.”

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He explained that during their first date, he had learned a lot about her, including her history of battling eating disorders which explained the messed up teeth.

He learned that she doesn’t drink often and that she lives with her parents because she’s preparing for surgery that will require a lot of physical therapy.

“This is all a red herring — nothing about this TIFU has to do with the teeth,” he explains. “I wanted to mention it because I was so focused on this that I didn't pick up the other red flags.”

After inviting her over for dinner on Thursday, the plan was that her father would drop her off at his house because her car had been wrecked and he would drive her home later.

“She also tells me that she is a felon like 1 hour before we hang out. Okay…” he continues. “‘Don't worry, it's just 3 DUIs and it's over with.’ Thanks for telling me? [No, really, I should've paid attention to this red flag].”

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When she arrives at his house and after pleasantries, he starts cooking a shrimp curry soup and she asks for a drink.

Taking a look at his cabinet filled with alcohol, she selects his most expensive bottle of tequila and immediately throws back two shots of it.

“Biggest f--k up: I presume that EVERYONE is good at self-regulation of their drinking,” he explains. “It's just what I believe — we know if we are getting toasted or not and it's intentional.”

As adults, it’s not presumptuous to assume that other adults are responsible enough to be able to manage how much liquor they consume — there was no way he could predict what would happen that night.

“I join and catch up with 2 shots. I get a seltzer for myself and she grabs a cocktail. And another one. 4 drinks in 40 minutes for this 110 lb person. I assume she's good at holding her liquor.”

By this point, the woman is “beyond drunk” while he’s barely tipsy, so he denies her sexual advances and allows her to pass out on his bed with a trash can next to her while he goes to watch some TV or play video games — opting to check up on her from time to time.

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When he comes back to check on her, he noticed she had peed in his bed.

“I attempt to rouse her and alert her she has soiled herself (and my bed). She wakes up and asks me why I'm waking her up and then tries to flirt with me,” he continues. “I then notice she's soiling herself. Again. Actively. While trying to seduce me.”

He attempts to get her on the toilet and relieve herself, giving her water to drink so she can sober herself up as well, but she’s reluctant to do either.

Instead, he offers her towels and eases her down onto a fuzzy mat he has in the bathroom while he spends the next five hours (until 4:30 AM) cleaning everything that she soiled.

At 5 AM, he decided to try and get some sleep since he was working at 9 AM, but she woke up an hour and a half later confused, naked, and embarrassed.

She eats the shrimp from the soup he made, drinks another 4 oz of gin (at 7:30 AM), and tries to join him on the couch where he was trying to get some shut-eye.

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He decided the best course of action from here on out would be to get in contact with her parents.

Freaking out, he leaves her “catatonic” on the couch, and decided to try and call her parents using her phone — fortunate enough that he remembered her birthday in order to use it as her passcode.

“I explain every single detail of the happenings of the night and they are mortified,” he writes. “I tell them I have work and they need to come get her now.”

An hour later, her father arrives at his house and starts yelling at her — which he quickly cuts short because he doesn’t want yelling in his house.

Since his daughter is unable to stand on her own, her father picks her up and she starts to protest — peeing on her father and the man’s couch once more.

After putting her in the car and collecting her things, the father came back to the man and explained, "She was almost 1 week sober. And this happens. Not your fault, son."

Suddenly, everything made sense to him — the DUI, the drinking, and everything that he knew about her.

Hours later, her mother texted him, apologized, and told him that she would be there later to pick up her daughter’s clothes.

Had he noticed the red flags sooner, he may have been able to prevent her from relapsing, but there was no way he could have known.

If you know someone who is struggling with drug addiction, reach out for help. SAMHSA's helpline is available 24/7. 1-800-662-HELP (4357), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889.

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Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics. Keep up with his rants about current events on his Twitter.