A Woman's Husband Accused Her Of 'Financial Infidelity' & Being 'Low Value' — It Turned Out To Be A Cover-Up For All The Skeletons In His Closet
When it doesn't make sense, it's just not true.
Stockbakery - Shutterstock While disapproving comments and behaviors could be damaging to a criticized partner's self-esteem, could a spouse's sudden and constant complaining about his wife also signal trouble in the relationship? That's exactly what one troubled wife thought when she took to Reddit to vent about her husband's excessive criticisms.
The woman's husband accused her of 'financial infidelity' because she spent her own money on a hobby.
The couple met in college and have been together for a decade. They have excelled financially and make about $400,000 combined. With student loans paid in full, no credit card debt and a home that was inherited without a mortgage, they are living the dream. But for her husband, it is just not good enough.
She went on to explain that the couple shares a "hybrid" financial arrangement — meaning, they have a joint account for bills and expenses, and they keep personal accounts for what they call "fun money." Her husband likes to spend his "fun money" monthly on golf outings and fancy clothes whereas she prefers to save that money up for a splurge. That's where things get messy.
She recently got back into gaming, a hobby she put on hold for a while, and used her "fun money" on a fancy new gaming setup. Since she had been saving for a while, she didn't think spending $5000 on herself was a big deal. After all, she admitted, she never questions her husband's "fun money" spending. He, however, was less than pleased.
Her husband was adamant that because she spent such a large amount on her hobby, she should have run it by him first. He was also surprised that she had accumulated so much "fun money" and called her actions "financial infidelity." He demanded she return the items and even tried to set a cap of $2,000 on their "fun money" savings with anything extra being funneled into their joint household account.
She understandably felt punished for being a better saver than he was and readers called him out for being "greedy" and "controlling," but also suspected that there was something more to his criticism. And she was right.
After he calmed down, her husband started to tell her what the 'real' issue was.
In the first of a few updates, the confused wife shared that once the dust settled and she was able to have a conversation with her husband, she got to the root of the issue. The problems he shared with her raised more eyebrows.
Photo: Reddit
He complained about her lack of career development, citing his own enrollment in an executive training program. He also had a problem with her lack of cooking since she started gaming more, something she admitted was true. Lastly, he brought up her appearance and how simple and basic it was, saying he'd like to see her put more effort into her looks — something she never put much stock in.
As if that wasn't bad enough, he claimed he hadn't cheated yet, but was starting to pay more attention to other women.
After thinking it through, she decided to test her husband to see if his complaints were legit.
She tried to meet his demands in the hopes that he would see her in a different light. She got herself a "glow-up" including a haircut and color, a manicure and pedicure, and even picked out a dress in his favorite color. She planned an extravagant dinner and set a romantic mood but all she got after lobster bisque, filet mignon, and au gratin potatoes was a "Thanks. It was good." He didn't even help clean up. She tried again with a homemade weekend brunch but was left with the same lack of enthusiasm.
She confronted him and he accused her of being a "low-value woman" who had "a lot to make up for" — but it gets worse. Because she was not a virgin when they met, he said she would need to spend a lifetime compensating for her shortfalls, and even intimated that she was undeserving of fair treatment or a monogamous relationship.
That's when he dropped the bomb that he had "connected" with a co-worker and that she needed to "step up" if she wanted to keep him. When she told him he should leave, he happily accepted and said he was headed to his new girlfriend's house.
In a final update, the woman advised that she and her now ex-husband had settled things rather easily. Not only that, his former mistress asked to meet and showed up in her third trimester of pregnancy. She confirmed that the affair had been going on much longer than the man had admitted to along with various other details that had been in question. In the end, the mistress seemed to be just as much a victim as the wife was.
Criticism in a relationship can often be a sign of something more.
When it comes to infidelity the signs can be subtle, but Psychologist, Paul Coleman, explained to Prevention that sudden criticisms can often be a red flag. For cheaters, coming to terms with their personal morals and their behavior can cause inner tension that manifests in being "hypercritical" of their spouse.
In the end, the woman has vowed to move forward and heal. She has no doubt learned to never give more of herself to someone than she is getting in return. And she can also feel confident that she tried to communicate and heal the relationship without throwing in the towel — something her ex never seemed to have any interest in.
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NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationships, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion