Bride Baffled When Fiancé Asks Her Not To Wear A White Wedding Dress So People Will Know She's Not 'Pure'

His obsession with virginity has her questioning whether she even wants to marry him anymore.

Woman unhappily trying on a red dress Ariwasabi/

A bride-to-be is thrown by her fiancé's strange ideas about what her wedding attire should be.

Posting in the "r/offmychest" subReddit, where Redditors go to vent about problems and conflicts, she explained how much drama her wedding dress is causing.

In her post, the bride-to-be detailed how her fiancé is upset about her choice to wear a white wedding dress—as nearly all brides do, of course.

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The bride-to-be's fiancé objects to a white wedding dress because she's not "pure."

It all began when her fiancé, Ryan, with whom she's been in a relationship for six years, came home from work and told her he and his coworkers had discussed her dress.

And after their conversation, he decided that she shouldn't wear a white dress. 

She was, of course, deeply confused—but Ryan is "an artsy guy" so at first she assumed it was something to do with his plans for their wedding photos.

She told him she was set on wearing white, and that was that—until she actually came home with her wedding dress, that is. 


Her fiancé immediately asked to see it, but she refused, bowing to wedding traditions that say it's bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the wedding.

He then asked that she at least tell him what color it was. 

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The bride's fiancé 'threw a fit' about her white wedding dress, saying it should be red because she's not a virgin.

When she questioned why on earth she should wear red to her wedding when almost nobody deviates from white, "he told me that brides only wear white when they are pure."

The bride-to-be went on to explain that when she and Ryan got together when they were 21 and 20, he was a virgin but she was not, though she'd only been with one other person.


She says this caused major problems in their relationship—so much so that, "we almost did not continue dating because of how insecure he felt."

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The groom then said he thinks a white wedding dress would be 'deceiving' their guests because they're not virgins. 

The conflict became so dramatic that the groom even enlisted his mother for her opinion, thinking she'd side with him.

But the groom's mother thought the whole thing was as ridiculous as the bride does.

"Ryan, his mom and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress," she writes.


And when his mom pointed out the double standard at play, saying that Ryan "is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too," her fiancé burst into tears.

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The wedding dress drama has the bride having second thoughts about marrying her fiancé.

She writes that she is "really disgusted by him," and that he isn't even religious, she knows it's just down to hang-ups about sex—not to mention sexism.

"I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him," adding that he said, "it's different for guys" when it comes to virginity.


She went on to say the whole thing has "made me question even marrying this man" because of "how psycho this is."

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Reddit commenters agreed the groom's obsession with virginity was bizarre, and many urged the bride to break up with him.

One blunt commenter wasn't having any of the groom's weird sexist hang-ups.


"Throw the whole man in the bin," they wrote. "For 6 years has he been planning on getting back at you for not being a virgin at your wedding?"

Others had sobering warnings for the bride-to-be, and one perfectly underlined how potentially dangerous her fiancé's obsession with sex and virginity is. 

"Look, if he is this insecure after six years together, things are not going to improve..."

"Is he going to try to leverage this in your marriage to get what he wants? Is he going to demand paternity tests for your children?"

"I'd seriously consider what you are signing up for. Dude sounds messed up af."

Another commenter agreed, writing simply, "This smacks of incel-dom," while others worried about what sort of father the bride's fiancé might be.


"If this man has daughters," one person wrote, "they are in for a world of psychological warfare."

And one eloquent Redditor had a clever summation of this fraught situation. 

"I’m not a fan of slippery slopes," they wrote, "but this dude is standing in the middle of a water slide, squeezing dish soap on his feet."


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Experts agree that when shocking differences emerge between engaged couples, it's not a bad idea to reconsider the wedding.

Jane Garapick is a professional dating coach, and she includes situations like this in her list of six valid reasons to call off a wedding.

"Even when you want the same things, marriage is a rough road," Garapick writes, "fraught with the ups and downs and curveballs that you're just not expecting."

But thinking these problems will smooth themselves out is a huge mistake, she says.

"[I]f you're going into it thinking 'opposites attract,' 'we'll work it out,' 'he'll settle down once we're married,' well, you're definitely in for more downs than ups."


It sounds like this bride-to-be might be on the right track to be reconsidering things.

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John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.