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Unemployed Girlfriend Upset That Her Boyfriend Wants Her To Do Housework During The Day While He Works 48 Hours A Week

Photo: Annie Spratt via Unsplash / Dean Drobot via Shutterstock
annoyed woman in front of laundry on table

A woman questions if she's being "unreasonable" after hearing the request her boyfriend wanted her to do while he was at work.

Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA) — an online forum where users try to figure out if they were wrong or not in an argument — she shared that her boyfriend had asked if she could clean up around his apartment when he goes to work, something she pointed out doesn't seem quite fair to ask of her.

She claimed her boyfriend wanted her to do chores around his apartment while he worked.

In her Reddit post, the 19-year-old woman explained that she has been with her 25-year-old boyfriend for the last five months, and while their relationship is fine in most areas, the one thing they argue about consistently is housework.

"My boyfriend thinks that I should do housework, seeing as he works 48 hours a week, and I'm not in employment," she wrote. While he constantly asks her to do chores around his house, she doesn't ever agree to it, especially since they don't live together.

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Both she and her boyfriend have separate homes and each pays their own rent.

She has her own housing with the university she attends, and pays the rent through her student loans, while also tutoring and babysitting on the side.

"In my opinion, I have no reason to clean his house, when I have my own that I pay for," she pointed out. "My boyfriend thinks it's unfair that I don't really work, yet have enough money to rent. In his eyes, I should do household chores for him, because he is the 'breadwinner.'"

Again, she reiterated that she doesn't see either her or her boyfriend being the "breadwinner" since they don't live together and each pays for their necessities with their own money. She acknowledged that they aren't married, and she's still in school, so his request doesn't quite make sense.

However, she worries she might be acting unreasonably, explaining that she will occasionally cook for him as well as do some chores that he needs help with. "I refuse to be a full-time maid for him. Then again, he works so hard whereas I only work a few hours a week."

In a healthy relationship, contributions should be based on what each person is comfortable with and what is fair, rather than being contingent on employment status. 

Just because the young woman is unemployed doesn't necessarily equate to having ample free time. Instead of simply demanding that his girlfriend do chores around his own home, he should open the floor for an open dialogue between the two of them. If he genuinely has concerns about the division of labor or other aspects of the relationship, discussing it in a respectful and empathetic manner is a much better approach than making these unilateral requests and throwing it in her face that he has a job and she doesn't.

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In the comments section, many people agreed that she shouldn't be obligated to do chores around his home.

"This is NOT a normal request at all! 5 months into a relationship and he’s already talking about being a breadwinner and trying to distribute household chores and rent when not even living together," one Reddit user wrote. "That is insane."

Another user added, "You don't live together and he doesn't fund your lifestyle. You pay everything for yourself with student loans. He is too entitled. It's rude that he asked you to be his unpaid maid."

"His house, his chores, his responsibility to get them done. You are under no obligation at all to be his maid, more so given how you live separately," a third user chimed in.

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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.