'Yes I'm Gay And Yes I Have A Girlfriend' — Man & His Partner Explain How Their Exclusive Relationship Works

A man and his partner made a series of TikTok posts to explain the dynamics of their relationship while addressing the complex intersections of sexuality, romance, and partnership as a whole.

Jacob Hoff and Samantha Wynn Greenstone have been in an exclusive relationship for the past six years, which doesn’t seem particularly noteworthy, aside from the fact that Jacob claims he is gay.

‘Yes, I am gay, and yes, I also have a girlfriend,’ Jacob explained, offering viewers an opportunity to understand how their exclusive relationship works. 

“We wanted to open up about our relationship because it’s been so confusing for a lot of you,” Jacob stated at the start of the TikTok post. “I am gay. I don’t label myself as bisexual. My preference is men. But I have been in this exclusive, closed relationship with Samantha for six years, and it has been a dream.”

He noted that while they’ve experienced a certain amount of confusion over the course of their relationship, it was important to them to voice those feelings in an open and honest way, in the hopes that raising visibility around their kind of relationship would allow others in similar situations to feel recognized. 

Samantha explained it simply, saying “Sometimes a soulmate is just a soulmate.” She spoke of how “completely open and loving” Jacob is with her, noting, “When he looks at me and talks to me, he makes me feel like I am the most treasured, loved human being on this Earth.” She emphasized that their connection isn't based on physicality, stating, “We have just chosen each other in this lifetime because we love each other’s souls.” 

She illustrated the rigidity of labeling people by their sexuality, showing how normative assessments don't leave space for complexity. As she sees it, “They’re like, ‘You must be gay! You must be bi! Or you must be straight! Or you’re out.’”

Jacob pointed out that “there’s no book or self-help out there for this dynamic,” which is part of the reason they decided to share the intricacies of their relationship online. He stated, “We are finding more and more people who we know have these relationships… And we want more people to be able to express themselves in this way.” 

Jacob and Samantha made a second TikTok post, titled “Intimacy,” in which they addressed how their monogamous relationship operates. 

“We are a closed relationship,” Jacob said. He further disclosed that he and Samantha have a physical, intimate relationship, explaining, “I find Samantha very stunning and beautiful. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m attracted to men. It has to do with the fact that I’m attracted to Samantha’s soul, and that just transcends the whole thing.”

Samantha expressed how resonant and fulfilling that sentiment was, asking, “Isn’t that the dream in life? Don’t you want someone to just look at you for who you are?”

Jacob and Samantha’s partnership shows that being in love isn’t about labels, it’s about the connection felt by the people involved.

In a third TikTok, Jacob and Samantha shared the story of how their relationship started. The two met during auditions for the musical “Fiddler on the Roof,” which Jacob explained as, “a very gay activity indeed.”

They were best friends for the next 16 months until they realized their connection transcended friendship. According to Samantha’s account, she visited an energy healer, telling her, “I have such a strong magnetism towards my best friend in the world. And it’s a feeling like I’ve never felt with any other friend or any other person in my life.”

The healer told Samantha that she and Jacob shared a deep spiritual connection. When Samantha reported that information back to Jacob, he felt “a little scared,” as he wasn’t sure he could be in a relationship with a woman. 

He described his anxieties, saying, “It was something in my brain that was, you know, blocking me. But the second we connected, it was like two magnets coming together. It was so easy, so effortless.” 

“It wasn’t awkward intimacy at all,” Samantha said. “It just felt like two lost puzzle pieces that…” “…came together,” Jacob finished her sentence. “And we’ve been that way ever since.” 

The couple made a fourth TikTok post, titled, “Dealing with the Gayness,” responding to the question, “How do you deal with attraction to men? Stifle it?” Jacob approached the subject with gentle humor, saying, “Today we’re going to deal with my attraction towards men and Samantha’s attraction towards men.”

“In any relationship, there’s still attraction to people,” he stated. Samantha reiterated the point, saying, “A straight man is still attracted to women even if he’s in a relationship with a straight woman.” 

Jacob explained that any couple that practices monogamy “has to deal with this aspect in some way or another, and it doesn’t mean it’s easy.” For him, “It’s just important that I acknowledge that I find someone handsome, and I don’t try to deny it, and live in denial… I wake up and I choose Samantha, every single day of my life. It’s not a trapping. It’s not anything other than my personal choice and attraction to Samantha.”

Samantha acknowledged that “there are so many nuances and intricacies,” yet maintained that “at the end of the day, it’s really just pure love for who the other person is.”

In another TikTok post, Jacob and Samantha addressed the issue of labeling his sexuality, which they both see as a reductive and unnecessary act.

“Today I’m going to address why I label myself ‘gay’ and not ‘bisexual,’ as this has been a concern of many of yours,” Jacob said. “We understand our dynamic as a man and a woman but I want you to understand the inner workings of my mind.”

He went on to clarify exactly why he chooses not to define himself as bisexual, stating, “I, Jacob, am completely, only attracted to men, plus Samantha. There has never been any sexual attraction toward women before and never will be. So that’s why I say I am gay, with a girlfriend.”

Samantha illustrated why labels don’t fit their relationship, saying, 'It’s about the soul, and not the shell.'

She spoke to a very real issue that accompanies narrow definitions of sexuality, explaining, “Ultimately, at the end of the day, no one gets to define Jacob’s sexuality, and what it is, except for Jacob. You can use labels, or make your own sense of it, in your world, however you want to make sense of it, that’s fine, but you cannot push that upon Jacob, and tell him that his definition is wrong.” 

Jacob noted that they’ve received both an outpouring of support and a certain amount of backlash from the LGBTQ+ community for publicly posting about their relationship, explaining that he’s felt pressure from some other queer people “trying to push this bisexual label” on him when he identifies as gay. 

“I just want to say, we are here for other members of the LGBTQ community,” he stated. “We are not here for views on TikTok… We’re here to clarify a very unique dynamic in a relationship that needs to be talked about, because, frankly, it isn’t, and this is the platform and the way to do it right now.”

Samantha gave a final declaration on the myriad of ways love operates, saying, “I just think that loving someone for who they are is a beautiful thing… keep loving humans for being humans.” 

The mere act of existing in the United States as a queer person has become increasingly legislated, to the point where we’re not completely safe in any space. If people are truly committed to upholding the idea that “love is love,” they need to accept that love takes many forms, and those forms might lie outside the status quo.

Applying labels to someone’s sexuality is one more way of policing people’s identities. It’s an act that denies the inherent nuances of love and attraction, reducing relationships to fit a dangerously narrow definition of who is allowed to love and be loved. 

Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers the LGBTQ+ community, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.