Dad Wants To Keep His Wife From Walking Their Daughter Down The Aisle With Him — Is He In The Wrong?
His daughter wanted both of them to give her away
Bogdan Sonjachnyj/Shutterstock An upset father went to Reddit, wondering if he was a**hole for wanting to make changes to his daughter's wedding after she made a heartfelt request.
Reddit’s “AITA,” or “Am I the A**hole,” is an online community for users to share personal conflicts that have been bothering them — and to get an outside perspective on who is really in the wrong.
This father doesn’t want to walk his daughter down the aisle with his wife.
The 44-year-old man who posted this story is the father of three adopted children: the oldest daughter, who is getting married, as well as her two biological brothers.
The father and his 43-year-old wife adopted all three of them so that they could stay together with their siblings, and in the post, he emphasizes, “I love them with all my heart.”
He goes on to discuss his daughter’s upcoming wedding, assuring the readers that her fiancé is “a great guy,” and he offers no issues with the wedding at all.
That is, until the bride told her parents that she wanted both of them to walk her down the aisle at her wedding.
The adopted daughter wanted to show her appreciation to both of her parents.
The father shares that they had all gone out to a fancy dinner with his daughter and her fiancé when she shared her wish with her parents.
According to her father, she wanted to give both of her parents the honor because she loves both of them so much and because she was so happy and grateful to find her forever home with her parents.
At this dinner, her father just nodded and tried to hide that he was hurt by the idea, while her mother was naturally very excited by the news.
However, two days later and the father is pretty sure nobody knows his feelings were hurt by it, so now he is wondering if he should tell his wife about it, and ask her to step down from the job for him to have it alone.
Earlier in the post, he emphasized how his wife is doing most of the traditional mother-of-the-bride jobs and he has mostly been standing aside, doing what’s told.
Still, he wonders if asking her to give this up would make him the a**hole in this situation.
Reddit’s verdict: the dad is the a**hole, or “would” be the a**hole if he follows through with this plan.
While none of the comments seem particularly harsh on the father, and they seem to understand that he was excited to have this special moment with his daughter, they try to shed some light on the situation to help him realize it is not personal.
First of all, many comments point out the antiquity of the tradition, and that many find it to be somewhat misogynistic.
As one user points out, the tradition is “one man symbolically giving over custody to another man.”
The comment points out that including both parents can feel more meaningful to some because it is instead “moving from one family to forming your own, separate family.”
Another comment supports the notion, saying that the father walking the bride down the aisle “is a patriarchal leftover from ancient times.”
The user adds that both them and their husband were walked down the aisle by both parents and adds that it was a beautiful gesture.
While he may be in the wrong, many users are sympathetic to his feelings.
While trying to help the father understand that reworking this tradition is probably very important to his daughter, many are sympathetic to his hurt feelings.
Several users give him many sincere suggestions to get more involved with the wedding as it seems he wants.
They suggest he forge some new traditions with his daughter, offering ideas such as finding a special item for the wedding together, spending quality time while doing important wedding preparations, or planning an extra special father/daughter dance.
Many other comments had ideas in a similar vein, and it seems like the consensus is that — while he would be the a**hole if he made a stink over the situation — being hurt is understandable and he can still redeem the situation for himself without ruining anything for his daughter’s wedding.
Amanda Hartmann is a writer and editorial intern at YourTango who writes on news and entertainment.