New Dad Tells His Wife To 'Calm Down' When She 'Snapped' On His Mom For The Dangerous Way She Fed Their Newborn

He learned the hard way just how bad telling someone to "calm down" really is.

Stressed and angry new mother - Yuri A | Shutterstock, Daria Minaeva | Canva

We all know it to be true — never, even once, in the entire history of marriage or humanity, has the phrase "calm down" ever done anything but make things exponentially worse.

One new dad revealed on Reddit that he had to learn this lesson the hard way after a recent dust-up between his wife and his family. 

The dad told his wife to 'calm down' after she 'snapped' on his mom for the way she fed their newborn.

All of us have been told to "calm down" at one time or another, and all of us have probably done the opposite. It's one of the quickest ways to make us feel like our emotions and concerns are not being taken seriously.


In a since deleted post to Reddit that made its way to TikTok, the insensitive husband admitted to knowing this. He actually opened his post by writing, "I know telling anyone to calm down does the opposite." But his wife's outburst was so surprising and "ridiculous" he said it just "came out."

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It turns out, though, that there were multiple justifications for his wife having "snapped" at his family — one of which involved the fundamental safety of their newborn.

His wife never had a great relationship with his family, but things erupted when they came over to visit their newborn.

The dad wrote that while none of his family had "done anything to her personally," his wife felt they often gave her "backhanded comments" and "unsolicited advice." He said that while her attitude was "understandable," he felt she had become downright uncivil since their baby was born a month ago.

In addition to having recently given birth, his wife is also suffering from post-partum depression, and wasn't particularly keen on his family coming over to visit the baby. 



She relented, of course, but the visit got off on the wrong foot right from the start. His wife was visibly agitated with the baby was being passed around and felt like she need to keep a watchful eye over all of them, especially when they weren't eager to hand the baby back to her when she began crying.


When the baby began choking because of the way his mom was feeding her, his wife 'snapped.'

"At one point my mom had the baby and was feeding her the pumped breast milk," he wrote, "and she started choking on the bottle." He explained that his mom is slow-moving due to being elderly and when she didn't quickly sit the baby upright, his alarmed wife "immediately stepped in and took the baby."



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His mom took offense, and remarked, "I have kids you know. I know what I'm doing. I'm not [expletive] stupid," to which his wife snapped back, "Really? That's why you just kept her on her back while she's choking and puking?"


Things briefly calmed down, but when his wife handed the baby back to his mom and the same thing happened a second time, she "just lost it." And when his mom again protested, "my wife told her to shut up and get out."

That's where the now infamous "calm down" came in, and it resulted in the silent treatment for defending his mom because his wife said, "I clearly want the baby to aspirate her own vomit," adding that he and his family are all "idiots."

People were firmly on the mom's side for many reasons, including the fact that feeding a baby while lying flat is actually very dangerous.

People online had very strong opinions on this story. Aside from the fact that his wife was only a month removed from giving birth, she was also dealing with post-partum depression, which can make already taxing emotional situations all the more difficult to handle.

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But what really got under people's skin was the simple fact that feeding a baby while laying down is actually incredibly dangerous. Aside from the danger of basically drowning from, as the mom put it, "her own vomit," feeding a baby lying down also puts babies in danger of ear infections should they inhale any of their milk or formula.



This is because babies' ear tubes are not yet properly developed. Inhaled milk or formula can get trapped in their ears which can cause painful infections that, if untreated, have the potential to damage a baby's hearing.

Many commenters took the dad to task for seeming to be totally unfazed by the danger his mom put his baby in. "INFO: Why do you want your baby to aspirate on her own vomit?" one person sniped, while others joked that "he's a little slow because of all the vomit he aspirated on as a child."


And several people remarked that if they were in his wife's shoes, his mom wouldn't be allowed anywhere near their baby ever again.

That may be a little extreme, but on the other hand, can you really blame them? Hopefully, this family can figure out how to better manage all this stuff in the future, but at the very least here's hoping "calm down" is not this dad's first instinct the next time his wife "snaps" — especially if she's snapping for good reason.


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John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.