Photo: Pirat Pirat/Shutterstock
It seems like a bill rather than a wedding registry.
By Sanika Nalgirkar — Last updated on Oct 27, 2023
A wedding registry is traditionally a means for guests to give gifts that the happy couple actually wants. While many couples will list gift ideas that can help them get their lives together started, from homeware products to gardening tools, the point of a wedding registry is not to make a profit.
But one bride and groom decided they weren't going to miss an opportunity to invoice guests for the entire wedding.
One of the wedding guests posted about the couple on the Reddit thread "r/weddingshaming" while explaining the demands that the bride has for her wedding day. The person who posted it on Reddit explained that they received a wedding registry from the bride that included costs for the wedding rather than gifts.
“Their registry only has cash funds for every single vendor + a regular cash fund and honeymoon fund,” they wrote. “Everything from the videographer, to the wedding dress, and even mani/pedi costs are on there.”
The couple mentioned in the registry that they don’t want gifts, but rather contributions to their wedding. The guest continued, mentioning that with the guest count going up to 125, each person is expected to contribute at least $250. They further mentioned that among the couple, only the bride's partner has a job, yet the wedding costs up to $30k.
People criticized the couple for asking guests to pay for their wedding.
Many people were shocked to see a young couple ask their guests to pay for their wedding. One user wrote, “Just the fact that they literally expect everyone else but themselves to chip in and pay for their over-the-top wedding would make it an instant and very hard NO for me."
Even if one is struggling financially, having your wedding guests pay for the ceremony seems a bit unfair.
Another user wrote, “I have no idea where this idea about you have your friends paying for your wedding came from, especially when you have no money to contribute either, this girl needs a reality check about her own [financial] ability and that of her friends.”
However, not everyone agreed with those negative sentiments.
Many internet users thought this idea was unique and smart.
People mentioned that giving gifts to the couple isn’t always the best idea as they take up a lot of space. Most of the time, couples can end up with more than one of the same items as guests will buy what they want.
One person commented, “I might be in the minority on this one, but I don't see the issue in asking for cash instead of gifts… And just because only their partner works doesn't mean that they aren't allowed to have a more expensive wedding — it's up to what those two want to do.”
While others agreed that it was the couple’s day and they could do what they wanted, the wedding guest who shared the post clarified something about the couple. They mentioned that this isn’t what the couple wants, but rather what the bride wants — the groom wanted a small wedding but the bride wanted a grand wedding.
The person commented, “The person [bride] themselves has the option to work and was asked to go at least part-time by [their] partner but said ‘it would be too stressful.’”
Ultimately, it's up to the couple to decide how they want to set up their wedding registry.
According to wedding website Zola, couples spend an average of $29,000 on their big day. Their registries traditionally exist to help the couple start their life together with everything they need. If the couple decides that what they need is to help pay off the wedding vendors, what's the difference between donating to that fun instead of buying them some spatulas?
In fact, it's become more common for couples to add a honeymoon fund to their registries.
"It used to be unacceptable to ask for money in this particular instance, but based on how etiquette has shifted and what makes sense to folks getting married today, there's nothing wrong with having a honeymoon fund," etiquette expert Elaine Swann told Brides, who mentions that you don't necessarily have to use the money received for exactly what's written on your wedding registry site.
That said, it's always advisable to send a heartfelt thank-you note to all those who donated, no matter what you end up using the money for.
Sanika Nalgirkar is a news & entertainment writer based in Seattle. She has a master's degree in Creative Writing. You can check out her writing on her website.