What To Do If You And Your Partner Have Different Sex Drives

Having different libidos is not the signal to end a relationship.

unhappy couple in bed tommaso79 / Shutterstock

By Taylor Seering

Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship, among many other elements.

When you and your partner are not sexually in sync, it can put a strain on an otherwise-healthy relationship. You two might have totally different sex drives, and you may be worried it is the make-or-break part of your relationship.

However, I am here to tell you not to worry.

First of all, your sex drive can change for all sorts of reasons. Things such as hormonal changes and stress can affect it.


RELATED: 7 Things To Do If You Have A Higher Sex Drive Than Your Partner

Your libido can change several times over the course of your life, so it is incredibly common for couples (especially those in long-term relationships) to experience a change in libido.


While it may be stressful, it doesn’t mean you and your partner are no longer compatible.

Here are 3 ways to make different sex drives work:

1. Talk about it.

It’s best to be upfront and honest with your partner. An open line of communication — free of judgment — is one of the most vital ways to make any relationship work.

Your sex life is always an intimate matter to discuss, even with the person you’re closest to. By opening up about your feelings towards sex, you’ll have a better understanding of what your partner is feeling, and vice versa.

If your relationship is severely strained, consider seeking a couples’ therapist.

2. Find a compromise.

Once you have a better idea of how your partner feels, work together to find a solution.


Pick the perfect day and time where you both will be energized, physically and mentally. There is no shame in scheduling sexy time! Work around your schedules and find something that fits.

RELATED: How To Cope When You And Your Partner Have Different Libidos

Another tip is to make sure you find a position that is comfortable for both of you. Incorporate toys or try out different lubricants or condoms. Take advantage of foreplay and really take your time driving your partner crazy to enhance the experience.

Also, don’t be scared of masturbation. If one of you isn’t feeling particularly up for the whole show, try giving your partner a hand! You won’t know what works best for you and your partner until you try.


3. Focus on intimacy, not just sexuality.

When you think of being intimate with someone, you might not think cuddling is on the top of the list.

However, when we interact with another person through contact such as hugging, cuddling, or touching, this really awesome hormone called oxytocin gets released in our brain. Oxytocin makes us feel good and safe and loved.

Personally, there is nothing more relaxing and calming than lying in my boyfriend’s arms. Cuddle more. Give more forehead kisses. Opt for a night of staying in and watching Netflix every once in a while.


Having different libidos is not the signal to end a relationship.

Remember to be open and honest with your partner about your feelings. And whenever you need a reminder, remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.

RELATED: #1 Way To Fix Low Libido, According To A Sex Therapist

Taylor Seering is a 27-year-old writer and mom of two who blogs about chronic illness and self-love on her website, Chronically Taylor.