Why I Never Want To Be Called 'Wifey-Material'

Photo: Sjale / shutterstock
couple having a picnic

By Gillian Watts

We’ve all seen it. A girl posts photos of food she cooked or a guy who posts a picture of his girlfriend in the kitchen. You can automatically expect #wifeymaterial to appear somewhere in the caption.

Women are supposed to take the phrase as a compliment. It’s meant to represent the idea that a woman is desirable because of the things she does or what she takes an interest in.

RELATED: 13 Signs You're Being Wifezoned (And He Wants To Lock You Down A Little *Too* Hard)

But have you ever noticed how you don’t see that hashtag being thrown around on photos of women waitressing 6 nights a week to save money for college? Or how it’s never applied to the woman who absolutely hates cooking and is more likely to be found partying with friends after a long week at the office?

Of course not, because those women don’t embody the historic ideal of “what a proper wife should be.”

It absolutely blows my mind that women find this phrase acceptable, let alone would be happy to place the label on themselves.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m married and I do love cooking and keeping the house clean. However, I also work my ass off to make money and further my career.

I only do the cooking and house stuff if I have time because I genuinely enjoy doing it and did it long before I had a man to impress. I am not limited to the traditional aspects of wife-hood because I don’t have to be. No one has to be.

“Wifey-material” is just not a thing.

Every woman who wishes to become a wife is wife material to the right man for her. Every man who wishes to be a husband, has his own definition of perfection that he should search for regardless of society’s standards.

RELATED: 27 Things Guys Do That Subtly Say "I'm Husband Material"

Implying that a woman who does not meet these outdated, ridiculous requirements for a wife is not the type of girl who is worthy of the marital experience, is not okay.

We need to forget about this ridiculous idea of “wifeable” characteristics. If you want to compliment a woman, do it in a way that’s actually a compliment. Tell her she’s a great cook. Let her know you think her career success is inspiring. Or simply tell her she’s a good person and you appreciate her.

You don’t fall in love with a woman’s ability to make pasta. You don’t fall in love with how clean her floors are. You fall in love with her passion, her spirit, and her heart.

Instead of concerning yourself with standards, expectations, and etiquette, just worry about whether she fits your idea of “wife-material.”

One set of qualities will never make one woman better than another. Nor will they make her more likely to be a good partner in life.

Finding someone who is “wifey-material” is entirely about finding the person who is right for you. It’s about finding someone to laugh with, be silly with, and just share life with.

Her ability to cook or clean or anything else you’ve seen this stupid hashtag on, are entirely secondary to the most important quality she can possibly have; the ability to love you like no one else.

RELATED: 11 Ways To Know If You're Wife Material, According To Men

Gillian Watts is an editor and writer for Unwritten who focuses on relationship, lifestyle, and self-love topics. Visit her author profile on Unwritten for more.

Sign up for YourTango's free newsletter!

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.