Heartbreak

To My Ex, Thank You For Letting Me Go

Photo: Lia Koltyrina / shutterstock
thank you for letting me go

By Amanda Pozynakov

To My Ex,

Life was really hard after we ended. My whole life felt like it was shattering.

You were my longest love, the person who I thought I would marry. I thought I would spend forever with you.

Unfortunately, “forever” turned into about two years. Two years of my life that I dedicated to loving you more than I loved myself.

I spent those two years losing myself for a guy who didn’t do the same for me.

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I could have spent that time figuring out who I am since you were doing that for yourself. Instead, I spent that time blaming myself for our fights because I believed that I wasn’t good enough for you.

I thought that there was something wrong with me for wanting to go out and have a life outside of dinner at home and foreplay in your bedroom.

Worst of all, though, I blamed myself for your unhappiness and our failing relationship.

When I was with you, I thought I didn’t deserve happiness. I thought I didn’t deserve someone who would do anything to make me happy.

I don’t know why, but I thought the only happiness that mattered was yours.

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If I knew then what I know now, though, I would have done it differently.

I would have loved myself more than loving your happiness. I would have felt comfortable enough with myself to not worry every time I saw you with other girls.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have realized that I should listen to my anxiety, not just brush it off. If I knew then what I know now, I would have known that I shouldn’t feel “grateful” for what you do for me because you should have done those things naturally.

Most of all, if I knew then what I know now, I would have known that I matter, too.

Our relationship put me in a constant battle of comfortability. I constantly fought with my conflicting desires to feel comfortable and my need for happiness.

Thankfully, though, that battle is now over.

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Now that we broke up, I want someone who will take my happiness into consideration.

I want someone who will make me feel comfortable with myself. I want someone who will love me endlessly and take care of me when I need it most.

But, most importantly, I want someone who will do things for me because they love me, not because they see my happiness as a chore.

Even though it took me a while to realize what I needed, I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me what I need and deserve in a relationship. Thank you for setting me free into a world that I never knew existed — a world where I know how to love myself and know my worth.

Thank you for showing me what I want in a relationship.

Sincerely,

The Girl You Let Go

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Amanda Pozynakov is a writer and contributor to Unwritten whose work focuses on love, relationships, and self-care topics. Visit her author profile for more.

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This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.