To My Ex, Thank You For Letting Me Go

Even though it took me a while to realize what I needed, I want to thank you.

thank you for letting me go Lia Koltyrina / shutterstock
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By Amanda Pozynakov

To My Ex,

Life was really hard after we ended. My whole life felt like it was shattering.

You were my longest love, the person who I thought I would marry. I thought I would spend forever with you.

Unfortunately, “forever” turned into about two years. Two years of my life that I dedicated to loving you more than I loved myself.

I spent those two years losing myself for a guy who didn’t do the same for me.

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I could have spent that time figuring out who I am since you were doing that for yourself. Instead, I spent that time blaming myself for our fights because I believed that I wasn’t good enough for you.

I thought that there was something wrong with me for wanting to go out and have a life outside of dinner at home and foreplay in your bedroom.

Worst of all, though, I blamed myself for your unhappiness and our failing relationship.

When I was with you, I thought I didn’t deserve happiness. I thought I didn’t deserve someone who would do anything to make me happy.

I don’t know why, but I thought the only happiness that mattered was yours.

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If I knew then what I know now, though, I would have done it differently.

I would have loved myself more than loving your happiness. I would have felt comfortable enough with myself to not worry every time I saw you with other girls.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have realized that I should listen to my anxiety, not just brush it off. If I knew then what I know now, I would have known that I shouldn’t feel “grateful” for what you do for me because you should have done those things naturally.

Most of all, if I knew then what I know now, I would have known that I matter, too.

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Our relationship put me in a constant battle of comfortability. I constantly fought with my conflicting desires to feel comfortable and my need for happiness.

Thankfully, though, that battle is now over.

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Now that we broke up, I want someone who will take my happiness into consideration.

I want someone who will make me feel comfortable with myself. I want someone who will love me endlessly and take care of me when I need it most.

But, most importantly, I want someone who will do things for me because they love me, not because they see my happiness as a chore.

Even though it took me a while to realize what I needed, I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me what I need and deserve in a relationship. Thank you for setting me free into a world that I never knew existed — a world where I know how to love myself and know my worth.

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Thank you for showing me what I want in a relationship.

Sincerely,

The Girl You Let Go

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Amanda Pozynakov is a writer and contributor to Unwritten whose work focuses on love, relationships, and self-care topics. Visit her author profile for more.