I Completely Lost Myself In You

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man and woman embracing
Partner
Self

By Skylar Jones

I saw the way they all looked at you, and I was no exception.

You were the light of every room you walked into, the life of every party. You were handsome and kind, strong but gentle, and I couldn’t take my eyes off you.

Then one day, you looked back at me.

On that day, I completely lost myself in you.

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I didn’t look at all the girls that glared at me, or the guys who thought you were crazy; I was so completely consumed by you. I saw that smile in your eyes and I couldn’t resist smiling back.

There are memories still engraved in my mind that I replay and I see how immensely happy I was.

Standing by your front door, with your arms wrapped around me, memorizing the look of content on your face. I knew every line, every freckle, every flaw, and I loved them all.

I remember telling you that I wanted to pause time and live that moment forever, and I sincerely meant it.

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It wasn’t long before I forgot to text my friends back or do my homework. I showed up late to work and skipped a family event. I didn’t care as long as I could spend every single moment I possibly could with you.

I made you the highest priority in my life, and in return I lost my way and myself.

I put what you wanted ahead of what I needed. I let your emotions dictate mine, and your perspective of me became my own.

I went from a girl who wanted a boy, to a woman who didn’t know how to want at all.

You were my entire world and when it came crashing down around me I was terrified and alone. You decided I wasn’t worthy of you or of love and so I decided I wasn’t worthy of it either.

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It has taken years for me to rebuild my world from the ground up, to replace the damage you’ve done with the beauty of wonderful friends and family.

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There are still days that I remember what it was like to be so consumed by love, and there are more days where I remember what it was like to have it ripped away from me.

I know what I want now, though.

I know what kind of love is healthy and worth sacrificing for.

I want the kind of love that builds me up, the kind where I learn more about myself at the same time that I learn more about my partner.

I want the kind of love where every part of me is found and cherished, not lost.

The kind of love that you could never give to me.

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Skylar Jones is a writer who provides a voice for women on topics of heartbreak and relationships. Visit her author profile on Unwritten for more.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.