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Nobody, and no moms, are perfect.
By Megan Hatch — Written on Oct 17, 2021
First things first: if you're stressing over how to be a good mom, remember this: nobody, and no moms, are perfect.
It can be easy to fall into the idea that there are perfect mothers out there who their children love and adore and can do nothing wrong. But that's all a fantasy.
It's okay if you "fail" at being a mom a couple of times (or a lot of times) because no one can really prepare you for being a mother, especially if you're a new mom.
According to Life and Career Transformation Coach for Women Lisa Petsinis, there is no perfect mother.
"The images on social media are curated. Being a great mom is being yourself — and that includes showing your flaws, your humanity, and giving yourself compassion — and role modeling that authenticity," she says. "Motherhood is hard and beautiful — no matter your age. You can never know what might be thrown at you, and you just have to deal with grace, doing your best, and hoping for a happy and healthy outcome. The pressure can be daunting at times."
How can I be a good mother to my baby?
Loving and supporting your child or children are the most important parts of being a mother.
That said, it's always respectable to work on being a better mom or a great "imperfect" mom — but don't make yourself go crazy over being perfect because perfection is unattainable.
Qualities of a great mom are one who strives to be a good role model, respectful, loving, patient, forgiving, and who sets safe boundaries.
"Motherhood takes strength, adaptability, organization, communication, patience, perseverance, and above all compassion — for one's child and one's self," Petsinis explains. "Mindfulness and adequate sleep are game-changing habits to feel and deliver your best."
Keep in mind that you're only a bad mom if you aren't there for your children.
It's also bad to strive for perfection all the time because that can cause added stress and put pressure on not only you but your partner or even worse, your own kids, which can make you look like a bad mother.
Try to change your mindset by thinking of ways you can become a better and happier mom who your children will love and adore.
1. Give your kids your 100% undivided attention for 20 minutes.
Sometimes you might get so caught up in your life or are thinking of so many other things that whatever your kid is doing isn't on your mind.
Try to give your kid more time with you and do whatever they want to do with them. Talk and play with them for a bit on a daily basis because there's nothing better than spending time just loving your child.
Giving your baby "mommy and me" time is important and very beneficial to their health. If you have an older kid and give them some of your time, they will really appreciate this and love that you are taking time out of your day to only be with them.
This could also be a great time for you to just cuddle with your little love bug and destress.
2. Leave the house and go out with the kids on a bike ride, walk, or play on the playground.
Who says you can't go on the slide too? Have some fun with your kids and be free for a bit playing with them outside getting outside of your house on a mini adventure with your kids.
Enjoy some fresh air, sunlight, and get some exercise in.
3. Praise the positive things you notice you or your children did.
If you feel like your kids are a disaster and you are a bad mother, this is because you're letting yourself focus on only the negative things in your life. Why not change your mindset and put more focus on the positives? You'll be a happier and better mother and you will help your children feel better as well.
Let them know how much you loved something they recently did or said or tell them that you appreciate them. Spend more time being grateful than pessimistic.
This also means praising yourself for all the positive things you've done.
"Focus on how much you’ve done (changed the baby's diaper five times, feed the baby eight times…) doing your best job; just for today," Couples Therapist Lisa Rabinowitz suggests. "You will not be perfect; you are human. When a mother takes care of her emotional and physical well-being, she is role modeling important values and beliefs to her child."
4. Take care of yourself.
Sometimes you might forget about your own needs and wants when you are caring for your children's needs and wants. It's okay to sometimes take time to yourself and dive into some self-care activities.
Put your own needs ahead of your children once in a while because your whole life isn't always being dedicated to being a mother. Spending quality time with yourself is very important for your health.
According to Rabinowitz, everyone’s definition of a perfect mother will be different, but the commonalities are being emotionally and physically healthy.
"When a mom performs self-care, ensures her emotional stability, and takes care of her emotional needs she can be more present for her child. The same is also true of physical needs, such as taking naps if tired, making healthy food choices, and performing meditation, yoga, and/or exercise," she explains.
5. Don't take your child's bad behavior personally.
Sometimes kids are the worst and don't listen, behave, or do what you want them to do and it can be extremely frustrating. When this happens, remember that it's not a reflection of you or something you might have personally done to make them behave in this way.
"Moms need to be gentle, kind, and compassionate with themselves as they transition into a new stage of life and role," Rabinowitz says. "Every day will be different and will have new challenges."
Calm down and don't let their bad mood and whining get the best of you.
6. Create family traditions.
One of the most fun things you can do as a parent is create and stick to your own family tradition. That could be a specific day or holiday each year that you make up where you and your family goes somewhere and does something fun or even one where you just spend the day at home together cooking and lounging around.
Whatever the case, make some sort of simple tradition that you'll be able to carry on to your kids that they will enjoy as well.
7. Stop spending so much time on your phone.
In this day and age, lots of people are addicted to their phones and this can be an issue both for new moms and mothers with children already. Sometimes we spend up to 1 or 3 whole hours a day on our phones, and that's time you could be using to spend with your children.
Being on your phone too much could also influence your child to want to play on your phone or like lots of kids asking to play on your iPad.
Whatever you do, don't give your child an iPad. Play board games with them or games outside that don't include an internet connection. It can be good to unplug for a bit.
8. Have your child's back.
Show your child that you will be there for them no matter what. You are their mother, their number one fan, and number one supporter. Be there for them and you can do that by showing up for them.
Be at all of the soccer games and school recitals that your schedule allows, or help them out if they are struggling with homework.
Show them that when they really need you, you will be there to support them.
9. Stop comparing yourself to other parents or your own parents.
It can be hard to not compare yourself to others when there are lots of moms out there, especially glamorous celebrity mothers who seem like they are perfect. Don't even go there with the comparison game because you're only going to stress yourself out.
This also includes comparing yourself to your own mom and dad. Don't let anyone make you think that you are a bad mother.
10. Allow your child to be who they are.
If you are trying too hard to raise your child to be somebody other than who they are, you need to stop. It's better to let your child be who they want to be and let them make decisions once they get older what they want to wear, play with, and who they want to be.
Don't try to influence them to be something they are not. Give them unconditional love and support and make them feel good about themselves.
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Megan Hatch is a writer at YourTango who covers news & entertainment, love & relationships, and internet culture. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.