I Don't Think I'm Capable Of Loving You The Way You Deserve

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woman leaning on man's back
Partner
Heartbreak

By Tanzeela Sareea

We use the word soulmate so freely these days, but do we really know what it means?

A soulmate is a person who is ideally suited for you as a close friend or a romantic partner. It is a person who from the moment you meet, you are completely drawn to them like a magnet. They help you experience feelings you have never felt before.

They are the person who makes you smile, who gives new meaning to life. They are someone you have a deep connection with, a bond that cannot be explained. A soulmate is someone who makes you feel complete, like the piece you were missing in your puzzle.

Now there is something I want to tell this seemingly perfect person in my life before we get too ahead of ourselves:

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Dear future soulmate,

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I hope you are blessed with a life you deserve. I am glad to have you as my soulmate; I don’t think I could possibly ask for more.

I was always the person who believed in a fairy tale love story until life happened. I’ve always believed that the story isn’t over until there was a happily ever after.

Well, I was wrong, and I know that now.

You may be that prince on a white horse that I’ve always dreamed of, but now that I have found you, I would just want tell you: Please don't fall in love with me.

I had a very clean and pure expectation of love, but now, with time and life experiences, that has changed.

I come with baggage and trust issues, so I request you to not fall in the maze I call love. I have a major defense mechanism, which helps me from getting hurt again, which also refrains me from really loving again.

I am not the type to do anything half-heartedly and being in love is last of the things I want to do that way, so please do me a favor and don’t fall in love with someone broken like me. Don’t try to fix me in any way because who I am today is the result of various hurtful life experiences that I have gone through in my life.

It is these experiences that have made me who I am today. I wouldn’t trade these painful memories for the happiest ones in my life. I talk a lot and rest assured I will make you laugh, a lot. There is a reason I am the sole clown amongst all my friends.

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Don’t mistake my friendship for love. As much as I would love the feeling of being in love, I don’t think I am ready to give my heart out to anyone just yet.

I don’t think I will be able to love you the way you deserve, so please, don’t fall in love with me just yet.

I know you have certain expectations from the person you love and I don’t think I will be able to match them for you. I can act deranged, cartoonish, broken, vulnerable and immature all at the same time. This is who I am and there is no fix to it.

If your idea of love is someone who is perfect, then don’t fall in love with me because I am far from it.

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Don’t think that I am unrealistic and irrational because I am not. I have just trusted too many times to get hurt every single time that it’s hard if not impossible for me to trust again.

I agree that not everyone is the same, but I am just trying to protect my heart more than returning your feelings.

Don’t think I don’t believe in compromising, because I do. In fact, I have compromised way more than you can imagine to get nothing back in return. People say too many things without meaning it, and how do I trust that you are any different?

"You can say you love someone but unless you demonstrate that love through your actions, your words become meaningless." — Stephen Covey

Don’t fall in love with me because I won’t be able to reciprocate your love. I don’t have any love to give you because now it’s time for me to fall in love with myself first.

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Tanzeela Sareea is an entrepreneur and hobbyist writer who focuses on topics of travel, relationships, and psychology. For more of her content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.

This article was originally published at Unwritten . Reprinted with permission from the author.