How To Break Up With A Girl Over Text (Without Being A Jerk)

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girl sitting on the ground texting
Heartbreak

There are many reasons why you might find yourself in a situation where the time has come to end your relationship, but you can’t do it in person. So how do you break up with a girl over text while remaining respectful and fair?

In a perfect world, we’d all be able to end our relationships gracefully in person, with the logical reasons for breaking up wrapped up nicely with a little bow of closure. (Well, actually, in a perfect world there probably wouldn’t be any breakups, but here we are.)

Unfortunately, it’s made clear every day that we are not in a perfect world — therefore, you may find yourself needing to break up with a girl via text message instead of face-to-face.

It’s not necessarily bad to break up over text. While impersonal compared to doing it in person or even over a phone call, the truth is that texting has become an integral form of communication and it’s no longer taboo to have such important conversations over text.

It’s OK to break up over text, but only if the situation calls for it. You know your relationship better than anyone else, so only you can decide whether or not it’s the right thing to do. 

If you do decide to end a relationship through texting, there are ways to do it nicely.

How To Break Up With A Girl Over Text:

1. Be absolutely sure that you want to break up. 

All relationships have their ups and downs. When yours is in a rut, it’s natural to wonder whether it’s time to break up. If you’re still questioning whether or not breaking up is the right thing to do, do not break up with her over text. 

Text message breakups are the harshest and most impersonal and may cause her to lose respect for you, which is not something you want if any part of you hopes to get back with her in the future.

RELATED: This 30-Second Test Will Tell You If It's Time To Break Up

2. Choose an appropriate time. 

Breakups affect people in a variety of ways, and you never know how someone will react when it happens. Chances are, however, that it’s not going to make her feel very good, so the least you can do is wait until you know she isn’t preoccupied with anything else.

For example, don’t send a breakup text when you know she’s at work or at an important function.

If you’re not sure when a good time might be, give her the chance to make time by asking her when she’s available to have a serious conversation.

3. Be honest and direct.

It’s very easy for thoughts and feelings to be misinterpreted over text because it’s impossible to convey tone. This is not the time to beat around the bush — tell her exactly how you feel and why. 

4. Give her exact reasons for wanting to break up. 

We all crave closure after heartbreak, and most people don’t do well dealing with the unknown. Let her know why this relationship isn’t working for you.

Be careful with your phrasing here and don’t make any personal attacks. Also, make it clear that you know relationships take two, and you weren’t perfect in the relationship either.

5. Be kind. 

That said, it’s also important to make sure she’s aware of all of the things she did right in the relationship. Some people are not meant to be together, but that doesn’t mean there is no one out there for her, and you want her to know that. 

We all have things we need to work on in relationships, but there are also reasons why you were with her in the first place. Make sure she knows what they are.

6. Don’t drag it out. 

If you want the breakup to be a discussion, it should be done over the phone or better yet, in person. Once you initiate the breakup conversation over text, it should be as quick and painless as possible (well, as painless as a breakup can be). 

Once you’ve said what you needed to say, go no contact. This includes not interacting with her on social media, no texting, and no phone calls. The lack of communication will allow her to start her grieving process and get over the relationship faster.

Even if she initiates contact, don’t respond. While that may seem cruel, it’s even more hurtful to give her any sort of hope that will keep her from moving on.

RELATED: 10 Ways To Survive Your Worst Breakup (And Bounce Back Stronger)

What To Say When Breaking Up With A Girl Over Text:

After setting up a time to talk to her, if you’re not sure what texts to send to initiate the breakup, here are a few ideas to get you started. 

1. “I love you and am really grateful for the moments we’ve had together, but this relationship isn’t what I’m looking for right now.”

 

2. “I’ve had some time to think, and don’t feel that this relationship is what I want.”

 

3. “You’re an awesome person but we are not right for each other.”

 

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4. “You deserve more than I am able to give to this relationship right now.”

 

5. “I’m not ready to give 100% to this relationship right now and that’s not fair to you.”

 

6. “I’m unhappy and need this time to be single and work on myself before committing to a relationship.”

 

7. “I’m so sorry to have to do this through text, but I don’t think we are right for each other.”

 

8. “Being in this relationship has taught me that I still have a lot of work to do on myself before sharing a life with someone, and I don’t want to make you wait.”

 

9. “While I’ve enjoyed spending time with you, I think we are looking for different things and aren’t the best match for each other.”

 

10. “We’ve had some great moments together and I think you’re an incredible person, but not the right person for me at this time.”

 

Remember, every relationship is different, and breaking up with a girl over text isn’t always the right thing to do. 

However, if the situation calls for it, it’s important to be as respectful and kind as possible. Good luck!

RELATED: 20 Crucial Things To Do (And Not Do) After A Breakup

Micki Spollen is an editor for YourTango. She also runs the travel blog Where In The World Is My Drink.