Photo: ViChizh / Shutterstock
You are not the reason this is happening. It is not your fault.
By Unwritten — Written on May 28, 2021
By Ashley Allison
Hey girl,
I see you.
I see the fear in your eyes. The questions that run through your mind about opening your mouth. The uncertainty and concern you feel about saying something that might offend someone or hurt you in the process of revealing the truth.
You want to keep quiet, but it’s time to speak up, and you know it.
I hear you. If no one else chooses to believe you, I want you to know that I do.
The day I opened up about my abusive past and sexual assaults was the day I saw who truly believed me.
It’s already terrifying to open up about such experiences, let alone when you have to out someone who has become close to you. But you are also filled with fear.
As much as you want to protect them and not cause any harm to yourself simply by speaking up, you’re still in trouble. Nothing you do feels right.
So do the right thing by yourself, and use your voice.
Tell anyone willing to listen and actively do something about it.
A simple “I’m so sorry” isn’t going to cut it. You need an action plan and act on it. Fast.
Because if nothing changes and you have to go back to the situation with the truth now out in the open, we all know what might happen.
Do not blame yourself for the situation you’re in.
You are not the reason this is happening. It is not your fault.
Somewhere down the road, this person decided to use their past as an excuse to fuel the hate they cannot move past. That person takes their anger and aggression out on you because you’re pure.
You always see the good in people. You forgive easily and want to help them overcome their demons. And some people want to use this kindness of yours.
This isn’t the time to try and change the person for the better. Instead, this is the time to get out before your life is literally on the line.
Of all the times to stay quiet for your own good, this is not the time for it. This time, things have to change.
Do not feel bad for what is about to happen or may happen.
Things may take a turn within a few hours or days. Be prepared for that.
The old routine you dreaded is no longer there. It’s time to start over and make healthier choices.
You may be living with a friend or family member for a while until you can be somewhere else, and that’s okay. Remember, none of this was your fault.
Whatever you do, do not contact that person.
Talking to them only ignites their power over you. Block them. Someone else can communicate with them to help you figure out the details of how you’re getting your stuff or whatever the issue may be.
It’s going to feel foreign trying to cut them out, but embrace it. The longer you go without talking or thinking about them, the freer you will feel in time.
The most important thing you can do is to focus on yourself.
Things must change for you to feel happy or even remotely safe and secure again. If I had waited any longer before speaking up, I don’t know where my life would have taken me.
Someone will listen to you, trust me. You can do this.
I believe in you.
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474, or log onto thehotline.org.
More for You:
Ashley Allison is a nurse, author and writer for Unwritten who focuses on relationships, health and wellness, and family. For more of her content, visit her author profile.
This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.