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Recovering from a narcissist's abuse will take time.
By The Mind's Journal — Written on Aug 01, 2020
By Lone_wolf13
Are you trying to heal the toxic trauma bond that you have developed after being in a narcissistic relationship for very long?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be very depressing, but that doesn’t make breakups from such relationships any easier. The kind of exhaustion and self-doubt that you experience while still in the relationship can linger on.
These people really know how to do a number on us!
This is especially true, since such relations create a trauma bond that increases your attachment to your partner, even though you know that they treat you poorly.
Although it can be difficult, it is possible to break the trauma bond.
Here are 4 ways how you can heal a trauma bond after a narcissistic relationship.
1. Separation
The first step in healing trauma bonds is separating (as in going no contact) from the narcissist and identifying who your true friends are. Narcissists will always try to make you feel and think as if your perceptions aren’t real.
Gaslighting is not uncommon with these people and they will reinforce the gaslighting with their flying monkeys. They know that interfering with your reality will tie you to them and give them more control.
Trust your intuition and take control of your reality instead of believing everything the narcissist tells you.
Make a list of everything your ex did wrong in order to make it easier for you to remember all the abuse. This will allow you to separate emotionally from them and progress in your healing.
2. Ending self-blame
It’s natural and common for victims of a trauma bond to blame themselves for being in such a situation, but that only makes it harder for you to heal.
Don’t blame yourself for leaving or for being in the situation in the first place. Similarly, don’t demand or expect answers from the narcissist.
Accept that they will never apologize, and as difficult as this may be, try to accept this truth. They will use that opportunity to manipulate you with lies.
3. Control
Having better control of your thoughts can also help you in preventing trauma bonding with a narcissist.
Try to think in the present moment, instead of dwelling in your perceptions too much. With this, you can maintain a neutral point, which will allow you to indulge in more activities pleasantly.
4. Healing
Another good option in how to break a trauma bond is relying on your family. Don’t isolate yourself, even though that could be your first reaction to all the trauma that the narcissist has put you through.
Connect with yourself and all the people that truly care about you, like your parents, siblings, or even children if you have them. Develop new hobbies and associate yourself with people who truly support your healing process.
Healing from a trauma bond isn’t easy and may take longer, but it will eventually happen if you dedicate yourself to healing properly.
With these tips, you should heal and be able to identify an abusive relationship in the future.
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Lone_wolf13 is a writer who focuses on relationships, dating, and self-care. For more of their relationship content, visit their author profile on The Mind's Journal.
This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.