How To Get To Know Someone Even If You Hate Small Talk

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How To Get To Know Someone Even If You Hate Small Talk

We've all had an awkward conversation with someone at least once (or several times). 

Sometimes when you're getting to know someone, it’s almost as if you morphed into a toddler again, trying to figure out how to have a coherent and engaging conversation.

The introductions aren’t even the worst part — eventually, the small talk will ensue while this person begins to ask you what you do and where you’re from.

Seems like a pretty normal conversation starter, right? Wrong! Small talk is about as bad as finding out an avocado has turned brown before you can cut into it. 

Is it possible to get to know someone without small talk?

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For better or for worse, small talk is an essential part of one’s social skills and interactions.

Knowing how to maneuver your way through those initial awkward moments of small talk can be very beneficial for you.

Not only will you make new professional connections, but you have a chance to make new friends or even a new lover. 

Think of small talk with new people as a way of your very first acting audition. You want to be the best version of yourself to leave a lasting impression on that person. 

Avoid diving too deeply into conversations about why you aren’t married or why you don’t have any kids. That is a danger zone none of us want to ever cross.

If you’re in desperate need of finding a way to get to know someone while in the crossfires of small talk, these helpful tips and tricks will turn you into a pro by the end of this article! 

Get to know someone with simple questions.

When you begin your conversation with this person, allow them (and yourself) to warm up to one another. They might seem like they’re uninterested in you, but they are probably just as nervous as you are.

Start by asking these simple questions.

1. Where are you from?

2. What college did you attend? (If they did not attend college, lighten up the mood by saying, ‘You saved yourself from a nightmare of loans.’ 

3. Do you know anyone here?

4. What’s your drink?

5. How are you handling all the music and chatter in here?

Transition into deep questions.

If you two have started to feel relaxed and comfortable with the conversation, you should definitely continue the conversation with some questions that require deeper thought

1. What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?

2. What type of music are you into?

3. What was the best vacation you ever took?

4. Where’s the next place on your travel bucket list?

5. Would you say you’re more of an extrovert or an introvert?

Some of you are probably leaning toward the edge of, “I truly do not want to engage in small talk whatsoever.” 

That is a very valid feeling. A lot of people just don’t feel comfortable in these situations, and that’s okay!

RELATED: 250 Questions To Ask To Spark Conversation & Get To Know Someone

How to get to know someone without small talk

You can actively get to know someone by similar tactics, not just small talk. Here’s how.

1. Ask your friend for this person’s social media handle if you exchanged a word or two with them.

Do scroll through their account checking to see if they have any similar interests or hobbies as you. Don’t spend too much time on their page going through every picture and comment. 

2. Listen to what topics they are frequently bringing up in conversation.

You will learn a lot about someone by the subjects they go on rants about. Do listen and engage when you feel is the right time. Don’t blackout and not say a word. You will be the dead horse of the conversation.

3. Start with a smile.

Believe it or not, a smile can go a long way. This assures your conversation partner or the person engaging with you that you two are friendly and approachable. Do your best to give off a warm presence followed by a sweet smile. Don’t stare maniacally at someone with a half crooked smile. 

Your success with small talk with not happen overnight. But I believe if you follow these simple yet effective rules, you will be glad you stepped out of your comfort zone and showed the world who you truly are!

RELATED: 100 'Getting To Know You' Questions To Ask On First Dates 

Destiny Duprey is a writer who covers self-care, love and relationships, and astrology topics.