How To Break Up With The Guy You Met On A Dating App During Quarantine
Everything was fine online, but not so much in person.
getty In early March, my friend matched with this guy she met on Hinge. He had just about every turn-off she would hate in a guy under any other circumstance. But during quarantine, he was available, she was bored, and she liked that he gave her attention.
When dating is all online, there is seemingly less pressure in deliberating how to break up with someone.
But, quarantine dating comes with its own brand of awkwardness.
I was talking to my friend the other day, and she brings up the guy she met when quarantine first started.
“Wait,” I paused. “You are still talking to him?”
“Yeah, what’s the big deal? It’s only been —” she trailed off. “Oh my god, it’s been almost four months.”
Quarantine, as I am sure, really messed with a lot of people’s internal clocks. There are not really months, as much as there are just huge blocks of monotonous time chunks.
Sometimes, when you are talking to a guy, not meeting him in person, and merely firing off the occasional text or answering a FaceTime call, you might accidentally trip and fall into the monotonous routine that's dangerously close to a relationship you're not even sure you want.
If you actually like the guy, then congrats! Quarantine has really been an interesting time for dating; people have proven that sometimes, a virtual connection can be just as genuine as a face-face interaction.
But, when you are like my friend, and you just entertained the guy because you were bored, quarantine can easily lull you into complacency, so much so that four months can pass and you accidentally find yourself in a much serious relationship than you intended.
If you find yourself in a weird situation-ship with a guy you barely like during quarantine, here are some ways to break up with him without making it awkward.
1. Don’t ghost him
At least if you have been talking to him for longer than two months. If it’s only been a few weeks, I would say both parties can understand if you both just get busy with other things, forget, and decide to stop responding to another’s texts.
But, if it’s been over three months and you guys have been texting at least once every day, it is a little unfair to just suddenly stop talking out of nowhere.
Whether you like it or not, three months is still a long time to talk to someone you meet on a dating app — that doesn’t happen often! It is at least worth it to shoot off a text explaining how you feel and what you think about the direction this relationship is going.
If you do not want to do it for him, you should do it for you. It is easier to move on if you clearly tell him and yourself you want to look for other things.
2. Video chat with him
This is what my friend ended up doing. This suggestion won’t be popular, but I am actually a big fan of making these breakups a little more overdramatic than they have to be. While you might think it is not worth the effort to break it off in person, and you might think that a FaceTime call treats the relationship a lot more seriously than it actually was, a FaceTime call holds you accountable.
What does that mean?
Well, say you are still in quarantine. You are bored again. It might be really easy to just shoot off another text, not even two weeks after you told him you want to stop talking, asking “hey, what have you been up to?”
A FaceTime call makes it official, and also if you treat the break up seriously, you will be less inclined to text him again, especially since it is a little embarrassing to stage a dramatic, “we need to talk” kind of video call, only to text him again a week later.
3. Keep it short!
Tell him you will only need just five minutes, and then say your piece. Keep it nice, don't go into embarrassing detail about every fault that informed this decision.
Keep this conversation about you: that you think he is a nice guy, but that this relationship feels a little more serious (to you anyway) than you think it should be.
Redirect his attention to something else: your job might have opened back up (maybe), or you might need to prepare for school soon (if your school hasn't moved completely online).
Another thing you can say is that as quarantine continues you want to shift your attention more to yourself, especially given these trying times.
Keep it on you, do not put the blame on him, and you should come out relatively unscathed.
4. Realize you both deserve more.
You deserve to devote your time to someone who actually makes you excited! Talking to that one guy you met on the dating app just because he is someone to talk to is not only a waste of your time but his.
Even if he is okay with it, it is important not only to your dating life but your mental health if you are not relying on the validation of men on dating apps to cope with the lockdown.
Jessica Xing is a writer who covers love, media, and culture.