Photo: Getty
Deyjah Harris' mom, Ms. Niko, isn't here for T.I.'s explanation of hymen checks.
By Rebekah Kuschmider — Written on Dec 06, 2019
Rapper T.I. opened up a big can of internet criticism two weeks ago. The rapper told the podcast "Ladies Like Us" that he took his daughter Deyjah Harris to the gynecologist for "hymen checks" every year. T.I. said he was trying to make sure the 18-year-old is still a virgin.
T.I. weathered a lot of criticism from the disclosure but one person who stayed silent was his ex, singer Ms. Niko. She's Deyjah's mother and she stayed out of the fray. This week, however, T.I. joined Jada Pinkett Smith on "Red Table Talk" to try and explain what he really meant by the controversial remarks. Ms. Niko must have been paying attention because she dropped some choice words about her ex on her social media afterward.
So ... who is Deyjah Harris' mom?
1. The Hymen Discussion
To bring you up to speed, T.I. brought this whole storm down on himself when he went on the podcast "Ladies like Us" and riffed on his efforts to monitor his daughter's virginity and how he bullied her into signing away her own right to medical privacy.
"This is the thing. Deyjah’s 18, just graduated high school now and she’s attending her first year of college, figuring it out for herself. And yes, not only have we had the conversation, we have yearly trips to the gynecologist to check her hymen. So we’ll go and sit down and the doctor will come and talk and the doctor’s maintaining a high level of professionalism. He’s like, ‘You know sir, I have to, in order to share information’ — I’m like, ‘Deyjah they want you to sign this so we can share information. Is there anything you would not want me to know? See doc? No problem.’"
The rapper then detailed the conversation he claimed to have after Deyjah's exam, where the doctor tried to explain the basic medical realities of hymens and how they're meaningless as measures of sexual activity — but T.I. didn't seem care about that part. He just wanted insight into his daughter's sex life, whether it was owed to him or not. T.I. continued to explain on the podcast, "And so then [the physicians] come and say, ‘Well I just want you to know that there are other ways besides sex that the hymen can be broken like bike riding, athletics, horseback riding and just other forms of athletic physical activity.’ So I say, ‘Look doc, she don’t ride no horses, she don’t ride no bike, she don’t play no sports,'" he tells the podcast hosts. "Just check the hymen please and give me back my results expeditiously.'”
2. Trying to fix it
After the internet went nuts on T.I. for his regressive attitudes about female sexuality, not to mention his misconceptions about what hymens are, he decided the best path was to go on a different show to try and clear up what he meant. He could have found a sympathetic host who would give him room to explain but, much to our delight, he sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith and her mom instead. He joined them on "Red Table Talk" on Facebook Watch where he did his best to talk his way out of the situation. He got off to a rocky start by trying to play the victim, saying that he didn't know what a father's role was if it wasn't to control every aspect of his daughter's life. "What is the purpose and place of a father in this society? Because a father like myself, who just wants to be as involved and attentive as possible, we could draw the conclusion of, we just donate sperm and come pay for things and we don’t get to have no say in how things are handled.”
Smith got him off that line of reasoning quickly by telling him the only thing anyone is saying he did wrong is "the hymen part." He then tried to use the old standard "I was joking" excuse, saying "All of this surrounds a conversation that I was having in a very joking manner,” he explained before saying that the office visit stories weren't totally a joke; they really happened when Deyjah was 15 and 16 years old. He did clarify that he wasn't in the exam room proper and he also made sure their audience knew that Deyjah's mom, R&B singer Miss Niko had also been at the doctor visits.
3. Ms. Niko throws shade
Deyjah's mom must have listened to the show and must not have been all that impressed with the way her ex handled the situation. In a since-deleted Instagram story, she simply said "...Whew, chile, the narcissism..." She didn't explain any further, so it's possible she could be referring to something else but given the timing of the Insta story, it doesn't take a psychology degree to get that she was probably talking about that way T.I. made his whole apology all about him.
Ms. Niko throws shade.
4. Who is Ms. Niko?
While T.I. is spinning his attitudes about female sexuality, Ms, Niko is singing a different song. Literally. The rapper and singer from Atlanta says on her website: "Women obviously deal with double standards when it comes to our sexuality, so I’m just here to let ‘em all know it’s okay to be sexually assertive ... even a little aggressive.”
Now, it;s probable she didn't mean for her teenage daughter to be out there being sexually aggressive when she's still too young to have the best judgment about relationships — but she definitely knows that women can own their sexuality without shame. As for the rest, Ms. Niko, whose given name is Violeta Morgan, keeps her private life private. She hasn't even directly commented on what T.I. was saying about their daughter.
Ms. Niko jokes about her ex before hymen-gate.
5. What did Deyjah think?
At the heart of this whole controversy is a real 18-year-old college student whose dad was out there talking about her body like he owned it. She made it clear to her dad that he was out of line to be discussing this and he said as much in his interview with Pinkett-Smith. “[My daughter] did have a problem with me talking about it, however. And I understand that,” he said. “I am incredibly apologetic to her for that. To her. To you, sweet baby Deyjah.” Deyjah had also spent some quality time online liking posts critical of her dad's overbearing ways then Deyjah tweeted simply: "i loveeeeeee yalllllll" and inserted a rolling eyes emoji after the text.
6. What is the patriarchy?
One thing T.I. admitted that he didn't get in all this is the concept of the patriarchy. Patriarchy is a term feminists use to describe men who demand control over women and Jada Pinkett-Smith used it to describe the way T.I. was treating his daughter. When she brought it up he said, "I heard that word before,” he cut in. “I didn’t know that term was a thing, ‘patriarchal.’”
Sounds like T.I. needs to attend some women's studies classes at college with his daughter. Or maybe he can get Ms. Niko to explain it to him.
Rebekah Kuschmider has been writing about celebrities, pop culture, entertainment, and politics since 2010. Her work has been seen at Ravishly, Babble, Scary Mommy, The Mid, Redbook online, and The Broad Side. She is the creator of the blog Stay at Home Pundit and she is a cohost of the weekly podcast The More Perfect Union.