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What it means to be vulnerable and why it's the key to a successful relationship.
By Jesse Oakley — Written on Aug 31, 2019
Think back to the last time you were emotionally hurt or scared. It was likely a pretty uncomfortable experience. I’m guessing you felt either weak or small or maybe vulnerable. Was there anyone around to comfort you and make you feel better? Someone you could show your vulnerable side to?
If you’re in a relationship, then maybe it was a boyfriend or girlfriend. Over time they become the ones you turn to in times of need. But if they weren’t the one that you went to, do you know why? Shouldn’t it be that the person you’re dating is the person that you go to when you feel hurt or lost?
There’s actually a simple answer to this: it all comes down to vulnerability.
No one likes to get hurt. And when we do, we’d rather act tough and hide our pain rather than letting people see. When it’s physical, it doesn’t take too long for someone to figure it out, but when the pain is mental, it becomes much easier to hide.
Of course, it’s not only pain. The same goes for when we’re mad or sad or confused or scared. All of these emotions are what can make a person feel vulnerable.
When you’re vulnerable, it can be a scary feeling. It makes us afraid that someone will see a part of us we don’t want them to see and maybe even take advantage of it.
Being vulnerable means showing the deepest parts of yourself and that’s especially true when you’re in a relationship.
It’s understandable that in the first few months of a relationship you wouldn’t want to reveal too much about yourself. After all, things are new and you’d like to enjoy that. Getting too deep too fast could spell trouble. But, the problem with that line of logic is it persists beyond the beginning. You keep coming up with different excuses until eventually it simply becomes “I’ll just keep this to myself.”
There are a lot of reasons why relationships end, but one of the bigger ones is when it feels like one side won’t talk to the other about anything.
When one party is baring their soul and the other keeps everything inside, it doesn’t normally result in a happy ending.
So what needs to change?
The thing is, you need vulnerability in a relationship. I’m not saying you have to go out of your way to show that side of yourself, but the next time a personal problem occurs, instead of not saying anything, go to your partner and talk to them about it. I’m sure they’ll appreciate being confided in.
Showing that weaker side of yourself to someone is a special thing for them. It shows that you trust them with your feelings.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable to the person you’re dating. The more open you are to them, the more open they’ll be to you. And a relationship with no secrets is for the best.
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Jesse Oakley is a writer who writes about love, relationships, self-care and spirituality/astrology.