Love

If A Guy Ever Does Any Of These 8 Things In A Relationship, He's Not A Good Man

Photo: jacob lund via Canva
woman on the back of her boyfriend, playful

By Shreyasi Debnath

Look out for these revealing things a good man never does in a relationship. 

A person can never be judged on the basis of a standard of goodness. 

There’s no specific yardstick to measure it.

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By talking about “good men” I do not mean to humiliate or disregard any particular type of men as “bad” or “undesirable.”

Nevertheless, there are definitely some remarkable qualities that, when a man has, turn out to be beneficial for a relationship.

As a man, you either possess these qualities or you don’t.

There is no middle ground to it.

The harsh truth is, a genuine gentleman does act in ways that are positively influential to the relationship and that is how we come to the concept of behaviors expected from a good man in a relationship.

If a guy ever does any of these 8 things in a relationship, he's not a good man:

1. A good man will never make you feel insecure

It’s undeniable that people often feel insecure in a relationship.

Insecurity in a relationship may stem from various issues — it can rise from some unresolved internal conflicts or can be external, based on how your partner is making you feel.

A man who has good intentions for the relationship will never make you feel like you're a sidekick in his life.

Even if the problem is rising because of the partner’s low self-esteem, a good man will not add to her insecurities.

Most importantly, he will give her the undivided attention she deserves, constant reassurance, and positive regard to making her feel secure in the relationship.

A man like this will make sure his partner understands that her space in his life is exclusive and she does not have to constantly compete with other people to secure her position in his heart.

2. A good man will never limit your potential

With two dynamic individuals interacting, there are high chances of their ideals clashing.

This fact will not instigate a good man to clip your wings, cage you, and limit your horizons.

A man who has high regard for his partner’s personal growth will actively take part in identifying the capabilities of his partner, motivate, and inspire her to reach her zenith.

He will never let you give up on yourself until you have achieved what you deserve and desire. 

His selfish needs will not be a reason for you to compromise your flair.

Instead, he will be that extra boost for you to maneuver.

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3. A good man will never invade your personal space

Every healthy relationship requires having a clear boundary. 

However closely connected you might be with your partner, there are certain things that are exceedingly personal.

If your man is snooping around in an attempt to invade your personal space — prying through your phone, your laptop, or your diaries, or trying to log in to your Facebook, Twitter, or other social media accounts in your absence, he is undoubtedly projecting his insecurities and other internal issues on to you.

A good man will trust you and respect your personal boundary and never be willing to cross his limits.

4. A good man will never abuse you

Abuse in any form — be it physical, emotional, or verbal towards anyone is a supreme crime to commit. 

No living organism deserves such pathetic treatment from anyone.

Abuse won’t always be overt or easily recognizable.

Often, abuse is subtle and difficult to identify.

A good man exudes self-integrity and will never stoop down to abuse a woman to exercise control in the relationship.

Instead of making use of manipulative techniques to mold a relationship to his advantage, a good man will make use of his rational sense and emotional maturity to handle crisis situations that might arise in the course of a relationship.

5. A good man will never cheat on you

The world creates innumerable opportunities to give in to the temptation to cheat. 

The controversy related to men being polygamous will eternally be debated over, but one fact remains undeniable — monogamy is a personal choice and there is literally nothing physical that binds two people to each other, but just a decision.

A good man, who has committed himself to his partner, will stay away from superficial attraction and never give in to trivial temptations.

He will stick to the promises of love he has made to his partner.

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6. A good man will never disregard your concerns

A relationship has to pass through many inexorably rough phases.

The two people involved might face issues together or individually, which require to be conversed about to resolve.

A good man will never avoid conflicts just to pass them on to the next day to culminate in an unimaginably mountainous amount. 

He understands the significance of face-to-face conversations to resolve conflicts.

He lends an ear to your concerns, and the things that are bothering you, and finds out ways to fix them.

He genuinely gives an effort to work out the relationship.

7. A good man will never devalue you

Value is one of the most precious gifts you can give to your partner. 

Every person deserves to feel worthy.

Even though self-worth comes from within oneself, a good man will value you for who you are.

He will never make you feel incompetent, worthless, unwanted, or undeserving of his love and attention.

He will hold you in high esteem and make sure you feel special, pampered, and understood in the relationship.

Being with such a man, you will feel accepted just as you are and not specifically for your positive traits.

8. A good man will never give up on you

However unfortunate the circumstances are, a person who deserves you will never give up on you or on the relationship. 

They will treasure you and walk an extra mile to rectify everything that threatens the relationship.

A good man will be patient with you, will sustain the turbulence with you, and hold onto you through the stormy days.

Giving up on you to look for an easy exit is not in a good man’s mind.

What we often end up doing in the petty excuse of a relationship is holding on to ill-treatment and negligence, simply because we fail to find the exit.

Other times, we ignore the red flags glaring at us just to keep dragging a dead relationship.

It is time we start being a little less harsh on ourselves because we all know what we deserve — the best.

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Shreyasi Debnath is a psychologist and writer who focuses on mental health, self-care, and self-love.

This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.