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Shouldn't our spirituality be in sync?
By Carlie Fox — Written on Jul 08, 2019
Dating is confusing and looking for love when you're a Christian can feel like slim pickings. The Bible has a lot of rules surrounding the single life of a believer.
There's rules that range from intercourse to interfaith relationships. It can make a person feel like they will be forever single when following them all.
Many Christians start to ask questions when they find their love life is challenged by holding true to their beliefs. Some compromise and regret it later. Others compromise and never seem to regret it at all.
The search for love is a lot about character. As future husband and wife, you want a partner that will emulate the marriage you see described full of promise in the Bible.
You want a marriage that will last forever. So, you look for a spouse that believes the same, and where your relationship can be supported by the God of the universe.
When you begin dating, there are certain qualities you may be looking for in a potential partner.
Maybe he needs to be smart, or maybe he needs to be a family man.
If you are a Christian trying to find your way through the dating scene, it can be especially hard to find someone who shares your values and beliefs.
What happens if you find yourself falling for a non-Christian man? Is that allowed or would it be disrespectful to your faith?
What if you fall for a man of faith, but of a different religion?
Where do you begin to cross the line when it comes to figuring out his place in your life?
There are a lot of questions to be answered when dating, but there are even more when you are a Christian. It can be difficult to navigate when all you've ever been told is to find a perfect, God-fearing man.
While there is no set in stone answer to these questions, there are tips and tricks to Christian dating. You can't choose who you fall for and you can't change who you fall for.
Keep all of this in mind as you read through three commonly asked questions about Christian singles and dating, and the Bible.
1. Can Christians marry, let alone date, non-Christians?
When you first begin to date someone, it can be easy to let yourself compromise your beliefs in your head.
If a tall, dreamy man asks you to do something a little out of your comfort zone, you will probably do it if you find yourself falling for him.
If he happens to not be a Christian, are you disrespecting your faith?
If you grew up in the church and surrounded by fellow Christians, you have already been told to not date a non-Christian.
You have probably heard that it would be a sin and disrespectful to God. So, you decide to keep your eyes focused on a Christian man and a Christian man only.
But, as mentioned before, you can't help who you fall for. You might begin to connect with someone who isn't faith-based and honestly, that's okay.
It's okay if you can be open and honest about your faith with him.
It is important to sit down and have a conversation with him to discuss your relationship with God.
Tell him how it is the most important relationship you are ever going to have. In order to date someone who isn't a Christian, they must be willing to accept your spirituality.
If you are just looking for something fun for the summer, then dating a non-Christian man isn't a huge deal. If he is a good person and respectful of your morals, then having a short fling is not doing any real harm.
It's not like you plan to marry him. But, if you do enter a long-term relationship and marriage is starting to creep in both of your minds, the talk has to happen about how God will fit into your lives.
Marrying a non-Christian may be difficult because you will have a lot of disagreements right off the bat. Maybe he won't want to get married in a church or go to weekly service.
One of the biggest aspects to keep in mind when deciding whether or not you should marry a non-Christian is that he cannot change you and you cannot change him.
You would be devastated if he asked you to stop believing in God for him, and vice versa. While dating a non-Christian may be exciting at first, if it turns serious you may need to do some deep soul searching.
Is he okay to have the second place in your heart, next to God? Is he okay with being open to at least attending church services and being open to hearing scripture?
And while this decision is between you and God, you should also have a talk with your family.
If they are a big part of your spirituality and don't agree with your choices, you need to let them in and understand how you feel about your potential husband.
Here's what the Bible says about relationships that aren't spiritually in sync with one another, per scripture found in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14:
12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
Dating a non-Christian may not be easy, but if he fills your heart with love and purpose, then maybe God brought you two together for a reason.
Don't rule out the possibility of marrying someone who doesn't believe what you believe, but remember that it might be hard to find that groove.
If it is true love, then you will both find ways to make the other person feel accepted and happy within your marriage.
2. What if I fall for a man who is religious, but doesn't share my faith?
This is a little different than the first question because he does have a religious background. Although his faith may not be synced with yours, he still has a strong sense of spirituality.
This is another talk to be had when getting serious with someone new. It can eye-opening to learn more about a different religion and how someone devotes themselves to God in another way.
You might learn a lot more about faith, but you might also begin to question if your differences will impact your future together long-term.
It's going to be uncomfortable, but you need to ask the hard questions right away. What will our kids believe? Would you convert? How will we celebrate Christmas and Easter?
If you can come to a mature and rationale conclusion, then your relationship is strong enough to endure a religious difference.
Also remember that you may have to make compromises, especially when it comes to your wedding day.
If you're Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas, you could always have two weddings, one for each of your religious backgrounds. But, most of us don't have that kind of money or time, so a compromise may have to be made.
If it is meant to be, it will be. But, love isn't easy and you both have to choose to make it work. God above you both, can you both be second in each other's hearts?
3. I'm dating a Christian, but he doesn't want to wait until marriage to have sex. Should I?
This answer goes without thinking, but you need to do what you and only you feel comfortable with. It can be confusing to a person who wants to wait but the other person does not.
Christian or not, you need to think about what you have always wanted and believed in. He can be a Christian without good morals, and if he isn't willing to wait, he is not the one.
If you are a Christian dating a non-Christian, the talk in the same. You need to be open and honest right off the bat when it comes to your sexuality.
Remember that you should never, ever do something for a man that you don't actually want to do. Never submit yourself, especially if your relationship with God is on the line.
If it isn't a moral of yours to wait till marriage, then there is no harm in not waiting, but if you plan on waiting in order to honor God, then follow through on your plan.
The answer to this question is short and sweet: Do whatever you want to do, nothing more and nothing less. Never settle.
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Carlie Fox is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture and relationship topics.