Love, Heartbreak

7 Questions To Ask Your Ex Before Getting Back Together

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Should I Get Back With My Ex? How To Decide If You Should Save A Relationship After Breaking Up

By Brittany Christopoulos

Breakups are hard.

There are so many things to consider and reflect upon, and most of the time we miss them.

Whether it’s the company they provided or the mere fact that you miss having them in your life as a whole.

You constantly have them on your mind. 

The loneliness may have triggered feelings for them again or you’ve noticed a change in their behavior that is enticing you to make amends and go back to them.

RELATED: The One Deep Question You Need To Ask If You Want To Get Your Ex Back

Regardless, you do need to take your time and consider your options first to avoid making a rash decision.

Here are 7 important questions to ask yourself if you’re considering getting back with an ex. 

1. Why did it end the first time?

You may have your own opinion on why it ended that may be different than what your former partner sees as the reason.

This can cause huge rifts in the relationship.

So it’s important to get on the same page or at least express your opinions on it so you are both aware of each other’s views.

2. What does an ideal relationship look like to you?

This gives each person an opportunity to state their personal beliefs on what their ideal “relationship goals” would be.

This can be helpful in seeing that your and your ex’s visions are aligned.

This is also a great indicator in terms of what you’re both looking for too.

RELATED: Do Not Get Back Together With Him Before Answering These 5 Questions

3. What have you learned while we’ve been apart?

Sometimes people just need their time apart to realize what they want in life or are missing out on.

If the cause behind your break up is that they needed time or space, this is a crucial question to ask to get your answers on what they were searching for and what they learned.

Their thoughts on a relationship could very well have changed and this will give you those answers.

4. Is there anything you would have done differently in our relationship?

You may have not been aware of the issues your partner had in your relationship that perhaps could have lead to a breakup or that they secretly struggled with.

Plus if you want to move forward, you will know what changes need to be made in order to strive for success in the future and establish guidelines. 

5. What issues did we have that went unresolved?

Sometimes there’s no answer for this.

Especially if they broke up with you for a personal reason (usually mentally as well).

It could be about leaving coffee mugs around the house half-empty, or a fight that you two had over something four years ago.

But it’s important to express these in order to work towards a clean slate. 

RELATED: 50 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend (Before Your Relationship Gets Too Serious)

6. How has your life changed since the breakup?

Usually, when a breakup is fresh, you realize how much of an impact they had on your life and how much you miss them or don’t.

This is the question that will help you realize that.

They could realize that they didn’t want to see other people or that they hated being single.

Maybe even that they appreciate your kind actions more.

Or they might have had major life changes that you are unaware of but should be.

Always, always ask this one! 

7. Are you open to rekindling?

If they say no, then there is absolutely no point in pursuing this relationship any further.

Plain and simple, they either want to be with you or they don’t.

And there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

But just know that if they aren’t willing to work on it, then you shouldn’t waste your time and keep forcing them.

Getting back with an ex doesn’t always have to mean that you’re lonely or just want to have someone to occupy your time.

It also doesn’t mean that your relationship just didn’t work and should never be revisited.

As we all know, they may not work at a particular time for a personal reason.  

However, sometimes an old relationship can be rekindled when the timing is right.

And these questions will definitely help you identify if this move is best for you and your hopeful relationship. 

RELATED: Wondering If You Should Break Up With Your S.O? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions First

Brittany Christopoulos is a writer who focuses on relationships, love, and dating. For more of her relationship content, visit her author profile on Unwritten.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.