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He wants you back.
By Elizabeth Blasi — Written on Feb 11, 2019
Saying breakups are hard is an understatement. Separating from a partner who you've been in a loving and committed relationship has been psychologically linked to the same feeling of loss or death.
For this reason, it's possible that your ex is missing you and may want to rekindle the flame (and vice versa). "Does my ex miss me?" you may be wondering. Well, while there's no way to guarantee that an ex is longing for you, we spoke with relationship and dating experts on the 20 telling signs your ex misses you.
These clues will tell you if they're not completely over the relationship. Read on as we break down our list, and see if any of these signs pertain to you and your ex.
1. He shows up at the places you are.
"Bumping into your ex is usually calculated. They remember the routine of their ex, then go to the places they usually frequent in hopes of running into them. This could be as simple as waiting to go to the grocery store until a time when you are more likely to run into them, or going to a festival you know they love. Creating multiple casual encounters is definitely a sign." —Tracie Hitz, dating strategist
2. He finds excuses to reach out.
"Sending 'just thought of you' messages via any platform is another sign your ex misses you. Sending a link to an article about their favorite restaurant or a quote of the day that reminds them of their ex. Any excuse to have contact with the other person is a sure sign they miss you." —Tracie Hitz
3. You find that he's liking or commenting on your social media.
"If they’re still following you on social media, liking and commenting on your stories, this may be a sign. Clearly the ex is not taking the steps necessary to move on and let go... we recommend 30 days of no contact, including social media, if you’re serious about putting your past in the past. If the ex is still curious about what you’re up to on social media, they’re still curious period and are not moving on." —Jane Reardon, LA licensed therapist and founder of RxBreakup
4. He drunk dials or texts you.
"In vino veritas. If they tend to call or text after a few drinks, you might want to ignore their calls and texts late at night so that they don’t get accustomed to turning to you when they’re feeling vulnerable." —Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist
5. He still hasn't moved on.
"This one is a bit trickier. Your ex could not be dating anyone new because they miss you, they need time to recover from the breakup, or because they want to enjoy the single life. It depends on how long it’s been since you broke up and how serious your relationship was in the first place.
If it’s only been a short time, they may just be being responsible for waiting until they are truly ready for a new relationship. If you, however, have been broken up for a while and you know they’ve turned down dating opportunities, it could be because they miss you. They are not ready to put anyone in your place just yet. The only way to be able to go riding again is by getting back on that horse!" —Caleb Backe, wellness expert
6. He reminisces about memories or experiences you shared.
"It’s possible they’re just happy to discuss fond memories, but if you get the feeling they’re trying to take a trip down memory lane in hopes of reigniting a spark, be honest with them about your intentions." —Dr. Jess O’Reilly
7. He finds any excuse to see you in person.
Some individuals want to sever ties completely and follow the no contact rule, ensureing they're moving on in a proper way. Those looking to break the no contact rule and find excuses to not only talk with you but see you, may not want to move on from you.
This may include wanting to pick up any left items at your place, dropping off any items you left at their place, or even just looking to grab drinks or dinner.
8. He does nice things for you.
"If your ex is still remembering your birthday with a card, your anniversary, even if it is an anniversary no more, and other major events in your life, that is a signal they miss you and want you back... Most guys can’t remember special dates when they are dating someone. If they are thinking about what is special to you, you are still special to them." —Joann Cohen, matchmaker
9. Your mutual friends say he asks about you.
"If your friends and family keep in contact with your ex and they are continually asking how you are, that is a sign they still care. If they didn't miss or want you back, why would they care how you are or what you have been up to?
Don’t rationalize that you were just really good friends so they are still concerned with you. Exes don’t reach out to find out how you are doing; they might ask when you bump into each other. But targeting friends and family is a tactic they are using to say they miss you." —Joann Cohen
10. He shows up unexpectedly.
"Whether it be in person or online, if they are watching your every move (or at least trying to), they miss you. The saying 'out of sight, out of mind' is actually very accurate. If they weren't constantly in your real or online presence, maybe the both of you would be able to move on in a healthier way.
If you feel like they are always right over your shoulder then there’s a good chance they may actually be stalking you. Don’t feel like you’re being immature if you block your ex on social media because it’s for their own good. The relationship is over. Let’s stop dreaming of what could have been." —Caleb Backe
11. He jumped right into a new relationship.
"If your ex has very publicly moved on with numerous partners, this could be a ploy to gain your attention and evoke some serious jealousy in you. In both of these cases, your ex is really thinking about you, and there’s a good chance they are pining after you in secret." —Madeleine Mason Roantree, matchmaker at The Vida Consultancy
12. He casually emails or texts you.
"Reaching out over something incidental is designed to look offhand rather than directly strategized. Your ex may pass along a link to an article, ask if you saw a certain movie, or heard about your mutual friend's engagement. The contact could be as trivial as, 'Do you have my special pair of hiking socks?'" —Susan Winters, relationship expert
13. He posts inside jokes on social media.
"You notice your ex has just posted 'your song.' They may add a sentence or two reminiscing about wonderful days in the past. All this is covert code for letting you know of their thoughts, without saying so directly." —Susan Winters
14. He shows an interest in your hobbies or passions.
If you're still following an ex on social media, and you notice some of their postings seem off, that's because they might be. Someone who's still wanting to get back together with their ex may publish content they believe their previous partner would gravitate towards (or maybe even addressing the issue of why you separated in the first place).
For example, you love to travel and they were mostly homebodies. But after your breakup, if you notice them jet-setting it may be to show you their passions or interest have expanded toward yours.
15. He routinely goes to your mutually shared locations.
If there was a particular theater you went to, bar or restaurant you attended together, an ex wanting to get back together may frequent these locations. This way, they are given a potential circumstance to connect.
Likely, if both individuals from the relationship are there, it may be a sign the two may want to rekindle the flame.
16. He runs errands for you.
"They arrange 'casual encounters'. Somehow, you always run into your ex at your grocery store. Or in a local coffee shop. Or at the mall. They make it look totally unintentional, but you suspect that these random encounters are not random at all." —Irina Baechle, LCSW, relationship therapist and dating coach
17. He posts images of or with you.
This one may be a little more obvious that an ex missing their relationship. If you start to see happy couple photos (or even individual photos) being put up on their social media pages, they are trying to declare that they miss you and still have strong feelings for you.
18. He's jealous when you're with other people.
A true sign that an ex has moved on is apathy; they may be happy for you to have found someone new, but it doesn't majorly impact them in any way. An ex who gets jealous seeing you with someone new is clearly still interested in you.
When an ex starts a new and healthy relationship, the jealously may emerge because it signifies their relationship is over and the other person has moved on.
19. Or he goes out of his way to make you jealous.
Keeping on the same page of jealousy and apathy, having an ex parade a new fling may be just as telling that they're not over you. Maybe you hurt them and they're looking for a way to get back at you. And they do this by showing themselves with someone (or many) new in front of you.
20. He looks forward to being around you.
Our previous relationships meant a great deal to us. If they didn't, we wouldn't have dedicated as much time and energy into them. So when an ex is reminiscent about the good times you had as a couple, they genuinely are happy to relive those moments with you.
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Elizabeth Blasi is a New Yorker. A lifestyle & travel writer, who is often seen with a suitcase in hand, jetsetting to her next location. But as a true Digital Nomad, her love of writing and romance novels means her laptop is always beside her.