Couples Who Still Like Each Other After Many Years Quietly Do These 8 Things, According To Psychology
They key couple behaviors that sustain lasting love into old age.
Glen Hodson | Unsplash Love is a hot and tricky topic, and while we know good love takes time and effort, love seems to fall apart quickly when laziness creeps in. Why does it seem that some couples can weather any storm their relationship encounters and still genuinely like each other into old age, while others crumble at the sight of any confrontation?
Couples who still like each other after many years quietly do these things:
1. They deal with past pain
This one is a biggie. Once we pass the age of 16, the likelihood of experiencing hurt, disappointment, or betrayal is 100 percent. Happy couples take the time individually to feel past pain, heal it, and leave it where it belongs… in the past.
We may love the one we’re with, but we’ll also project all over them if we don’t deal with our past hurts. When we have pain that hasn’t been processed, we carry it forward. You can’t skim over or positive-think your way out of emotional pain, and when we try to stuff our emotions, we’ll find a way to make our current partner pay for the past sins of others because pain wants to be processed. Healthy couples deal with their past so their present can be happy.
2. They don’t overthink everything
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Remember the phrase paralysis by analysis? Overthinking and over-analyzing someone’s every word, move, or intention kills any chance of intimacy or connection.
Happy couples take one another at face value, versus looking for alternative meanings in each other’s words or actions. Emotional paranoia is a sign of emotionally operating from the past in an effort to stay safe in the present.
Excessive worry, rumination, and negative interpretations of a partner's actions can erode trust, strain communication, and increase stress, potentially leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. One study explained that overthinking in relationships can be rooted in past experiences, such as previous relationship failures or unresolved trauma, leading individuals to be hyper-vigilant and anxious about repeating patterns.
Healthy couples aren’t hyper-vigilant. Even if they’ve hurt one another in the past, they don’t expect to be hurt again. Remember, we see what we expect to see — happy couples stay in the "now" moment.
3. They are emotionally open
Keeping one foot out emotionally to protect yourself is like trying to consistently drive 65 mph while tapping your brakes every other minute. Healthy couples respect their boundaries but are vulnerable and open towards one another.
Too often, we experience hurt and never really let go again. Happy couples take their feet off the brake and trust.
4. They avoid taking one another for granted
Happy couples don’t take for granted that they’ll be together forever. They remember to turn the charm and attention they give others, towards one another. It takes two to do the hot, passionate dance of tango — happy couples don’t drop one hand and expect the other half to keep dancing.
Research by the University of Michigan explained that avoiding taking partners for granted is crucial for maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships. Taking each other for granted can lead to decreased satisfaction, a sense of being unseen or unloved, and ultimately, stagnation and disconnection. This can happen unintentionally; even in strong relationships, the absence of appreciation can erode the bond.
5. They really look at each other
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As William Shakespeare said so well: “The eyes are the window to your soul.”
Let’s face it, life is busy; over time, it becomes a little too easy to navigate getting out of the house in the morning without making eye contact. It may sound small, but eye contact is intimate. Happy couples remember that intimacy in the bedroom starts with intimate contact throughout the day. They look at one another.
6. They continue to be intrigued
Even if you met at birth, spent every day together, and talked for hours, there is no way to know everything about another human being. We are all individuals with unique thoughts, perceptions, and emotional experiences.
Maintaining a sense of intrigue and fascination within a couple's relationship is crucial for overall relationship satisfaction and well-being. Studies indicate that couples who continue to feel intrigued by each other, often through shared experiences and exploration, tend to experience higher levels of intimacy, passion, and overall relationship quality.
People change over time, and healthy couples continue to explore one another while realizing it’s impossible to know everything, no matter how long they’ve been together.
7. They stay in the moment
Happy couples know remaining in the present moment is non-negotiable when it comes to love. Regardless of tough times, they remember that the past does not equal the future. Healthy partners have a relationship with the person in front of them now, not the ghost from yesterday.
8. They continue touching
Two large influences on our drive originate from our skin and our brains. Relationships are hot in the beginning because we’re touching and kissing, as well as talking and questioning one another, constantly.
Affectionate touch is vital for couples, strengthening their bond, fostering emotional well-being, and promoting intimacy. Touch can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and boost feelings of connection and security within the relationship. Furthermore, a 2021 study found that it plays a crucial role in communicating love and affection, facilitating conflict resolution, and supporting each other during challenging times
As time goes on, happy couples continue to touch. When we touch the one we love, the hormone oxytocin is produced, providing us with a fertile opportunity for connection. Oxytocin is a powerful love drug. Talking stimulates the brain while touching stimulates everything else. Happy couples touch each other a lot.
Tamara Star is an author, culture creator, and CEO of TStar Recruiting. Her work has been featured in Yahoo News, Good Morning America, Sirius XM, The Huffington Post, and DayBreakUSA.
