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It's hard to see what a healthy relationship looks like until you're in one.
By I Heart Intelligence — Written on Dec 01, 2018
By Aja Louther
There are many reasons people enter into relationships, just as there are many reasons why relationships fail.
Many of us were brought up to believe in the fairy-tale kind of true love, and that it is the key ingredient needed in order for a relationship to last. However, this is not entirely true. Relationships are like soufflés — there are many ingredients and steps one needs to take in order for it not to flop. Love is just one among many of the important ingredients needed.
I have seen many relationships fail, even when the couple loves and cares deeply for one another.
I myself have been in a few relationships that have literally crumbled away before my eyes, even though I was convinced we would last forever because our love was so strong.
Turns out that healthy relationships require more than just love to actually work.
I have now learned how to see all my failed relationships as blessings in disguise because now I am able to see what was lacking and where I went wrong, and I’m able to apply those findings to new relationships in my life.
In hindsight, we eventually realize that love simply isn’t enough to keep a relationship going. You need things like respect, compromise, and trust, to name a few, in order to make it last. When one finally realizes and integrates this knowledge, you are able to enter into a new relationship with a better understanding of what it really takes to make it last.
So, what is a healthy relationship?
Healthy relationships are built on trust, freedom, compromise, compassion, empathy, and respect. Once those foundations are set in place and solid, love will naturally sit on top. The goal is to feel intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually sound within a loving relationship.
Here are 12 rules happy couples live by that are signs of solid, respectful and healthy relationships between people who've found true love with one another.
1. If someone truly loves and respects you, they will show you those two things every day.
There will never be room to question the love or respect factor, it will come naturally and in so you will undoubtedly feel safe and secure in that love.
2. If someone really wants to be with you, they will be with you.
They will not allow their insecurities to tear you down, destroy your happiness or your emotional well-being.
3. Physical affection is important, but it doesn't define commitment.
Standing together through the tough times and being there for each other through the dark times is what defines commitment.
4. Successful relationships require hard work every day, especially on oneself.
Both you and your partner must be willing to work through the shadows, and in the end must be willing to help each other grow.
5. Love is not always what you thought it would be.
However, with equal input from both sides, you can make it be what you want it to be.
6. Successful relationships require hard work from both people.
It requires patience, trust, sacrifice, compromise, understanding, compassion, and above all, respect to make it work in the end.
7. You cannot change people.
You learn to love them for all that they are including all their insecurities and flaws. There will be things that are bound to irritate you to the core, but if you truly love them, you learn how to accept it all.
8. Being 100% yourself is the only way to truly experience freedom.
If you do something embarrassing in front of your partner they will never make you feel stupid or unworthy. When you’re in a meaningful relationship your partner makes you feel confident and if you ever feel down they do everything in their power to make you feel better.
9. Spending time apart is important.
Time apart doesn’t weaken the relationship, it actually strengthens it. There is no room for doubt because you are both clear on the feelings you have for each other.
10. Arguments are a natural part of relationships.
It is natural and healthy to have arguments, things can’t always be perfect. When you are in a meaningful and mature relationship arguments are resolved in a mature manner and in the end, it brings you closer together.
11. One does not simply leave when the going gets tough.
You honor yourself and the commitment you’ve made with this person and you work through whatever it may be, never giving up on each other.
12. You feel completely satisfied with your choice in partners.
When the relationship foundation is solid and there is mutual respect, you feel fulfilled. There’s no need to go looking for something or someone ‘better.’ You are happy and they make you happy.
In the end, we all need to take the time to carefully examine what it is we truly want in relationships.
Take notes from the ones that fail, learn from them and then apply the lessons to all future relationships.
Aja Louther is a writer for I Heart Intelligence.
This article was originally published at I Heart Intelligence. Reprinted with permission from the author.