facebook

15 Ways Real Love Is Different From The Movies, According To Men

Photo: getty
what men think
Love

Love is much different IRL.

At some point or another, every single person who has ever fallen in love learns the truth: true love in real life is absolutely nothing like the romanticized version of love shown on TV and in movies. Sure, you might fall in "real love" so deeply that it feels like you're the star of your very own love movies or romantic comedies, but once you've been in that relationship for a little while it doesn't take long at all for you to see the truth.

It's not just women who can confuse movie love with real life love. In fact, it is something plenty of men out there experience as well, even though they aren't exactly quick to share their feelings on the subject. Come on, you think men — the people who refuse to admit how much they love a good rom-com — are going to easily admit to getting a case of the feels from a movie? Unlikely.


RELATED: 12 Movies That Unexpectedly Have Amazing Love Stories


That is, unless you happen to visit the AskMen forum on Reddit, where what men think is centerfold. One redditor recently asked the guys on that subreddit, "What do you see as the difference between 'true love' in movies vs real life?" They broke it down in a pretty awesome way. 

1. True love doesn't happen that quickly.

"The biggest difference is time. Movies mostly show us infatuation, not the kind of love that's been around for a while. And if it is, it's rarely center stage. It's secondary characters we get to see it through and is rarely portrayed as passionate or fun. Refreshing exception to this: The Mummy Returns. 10 years later, Evy and Rick are still together, have a kid and are still super into each other."

2. No one sends you mystical signs in real life.

"In movies, there's usually a series of unusual phenomena where the stars seem to align and give love interests cute memorable moments, bringing them together. In real life, when you see a shooting star it's not because you've met the love of your life, it's because a meteor got stuck in our atmosphere. The universe isn't going to give you signs. If you think it is, odds are you'll be disappointed."

3. True love gets messy.

"True love is being willing to stick with someone — not just when life throws a big pile of manure at you, but being willing to stick with someone when life throws several big piles of manure at you. And it's being willing to stick with someone when they're the one who caused the big pile of manure to be thrown at you."

4. Movies end.

"There's a finish line in movies. In real life, the game goes on until you break up or one of you is dead. And the rules slowly change and you must find out what the new game is on your own. See the movie Take This Waltz. The wife in the film is unwilling to change with the relationship and thinks the lack of the infatuation of first love is the same as being out of love."

5. Movies are a little creepy.

"Movies instill upon guys the ridiculous notion that, if you are persistent, you will break down her cold exterior and after a multitude of rejections she will finally learn to love again and the two of you will live happily ever after!"

6. Real life is about give and take.

"In real life, it requires as much giving as it does taking. Rarely is someone shown in a movie showing self-restraint or being responsible. Or it's portrayed as some sort of chore, and the relationship as a ball and chain. In an actual healthy relationship, you want to do those things on your own. You want to be better, for them and for you, and that person gives you a reason to make the change. There is no free lunch in life, you get only what you earn. Relationships are not an exception to this."

7. It's not one-sided.

"Real life takes more time to develop and is easier. True love can be one-sided in real life."

8. It's idealized.

"Movies generally play up escapism and wish-fulfillment, so 'love' in movies obviously tends to be idealized in all kinds of ways. As a man, one of the biggest 'dating myths for guys' that movies perpetuate is that women will just automatically know 'how great of a guy you are' or female friends will just 'suddenly realize how great you are and how you're perfect for them'... with basically no effort on the man's part. Just 'be a good person' and you'll be rewarded with a hot girlfriend. And since pretty much everyone thinks of themselves as a 'good person' and the 'hero of their own story,' well, a lot of them think they are owed the hot girlfriend."


RELATED: What Men Literally Think When They’re Falling In Love With You


9. In real life, it's too easy to write people off.

"The reality is most people never find out how good someone is. Most normal people do not actively have a billboard on them listing all their attractive and positive qualities. It's usually one wrong move that makes the woman write the person off; an 'it takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it'-type situation. Also, both sides can lack the introspection to see the positives in the other, so it's kind of like judging people with the least amount of effort and that's that."

10. There aren't ugly people in movies.

"Movies tend to underestimate physical attractiveness and settling."

11. In movies, love is just a feeling.

"Movies: love is a feeling. It never wanes. It's easy. Real life: love is an action. It ebbs and flows. It takes work."

12. In movies everyone gets someone.

"In movies, it seems to happen to everyone. In real life, not so much."

13. Nobody sleeps in the movies.

"Real life involves a lot more sleeping."

14. Movies make love seem perfect.

"True love isn’t perfect. Things don’t just work out because you are attracted to someone. You have to work for it, compromise, struggle, fight. Love is what’s left. Lust is why you get together, love is why you stay together."

15. In real life, you don't "meet cute," you meet on dating apps.

"Movie relationships aren't based on Tinder or online dating."


RELATED: How Men Want To Be Loved By Women (Hint: It's Not How You Think!)


Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the love and dating advice show, Becca After Dark, on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:15 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.

Author
Blogger