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Once upon a time, phone sex meant whispering sweet nothings into a lover’s ear. Sexting is as normal a part of dating as swiping right, and if you want to get lucky more often, learning how to sext (and how to sext a guy well) is a wise choice.
To be fair, it’s a lot easier to sext as a girl than it is to be a guy trying to sext. Most men do not get upset or uncomfortable if a girl gets sexy with them. However, there are still certain ways to kick your sexting game up a notch, and ways to make sure you have fun without regret.
Check out these “tried and true” sexting tips that will teach you how to have great sexting as a girl.
1. If you do choose to send nudes, don’t show your face or any identifiable marks.
This is the cardinal rule of sexting and is one of the most important to follow. A lot of guys out there can and will use those photos as blackmail material or revenge porn fodder. Though there are laws about this stuff, it’s best not to be caught in the crossfire at all by leaving some plausible deniability.
2. Only sext guys you’ve met in person and feel comfortable with.
This is common sense, really. You shouldn’t really do anything sexual with a guy you don’t trust or a guy who you don’t know. I mean, you don’t know who they are or what they want!
3. If he’s really the shy type, then you might need to be a bit more direct to get the fire going.
The vast majority of guys will quickly catch on when you’re trying to get sexy with them, but not all. There’s always a chance you’re with the hyper-shy guy who just doesn’t know how to handle girls at all.
Should you be with a shy guy, your best bet is to ask him, “Please be honest. Did you ever fantasize about me?”
4. If you’re looking to seduce someone and they have no idea you want them, tread carefully and start off totally innocent.
Once again, this is very risky and should only be done with someone you’ve met in person and feel is trustworthy. Timing plays a lot into this. Late night texts when you know he’s free is a good way to start.
A good way to broach this situation would be, “So another Thursday night after work... wanna play a game?” This allows you to play it off as a joke if he’s not interested.
5. If a guy flips out because you didn’t send nudes, don’t bother saying anything — just block him.
Sadly, the fact that I have to say this speaks volumes about today’s dating scene, doesn’t it? Guys who flip out are looking for reactions and are not emotionally stable. By ghosting and blocking him, you avoid escalating that problem.
6. On the flip side, don’t get angry or shame a guy just cause he’s not interested.
Consent is just as important to men as it is to women. Him dropping hints that he’s not interested is a sign that you need to stop. If he says he’s not interested, either say you were joking or apologize and drop the subject. A text of "Hey, I was just kidding" will give you a way to leave the topic alone and save some face.
7. However, you absolutely should move on.
If he rejects you, move on and find someone else. If you’re in a relationship and he never seems to be interested in you, it’s also time to move on. Life is too short for bad sex, and most men would be ecstatic to find a girl who’s up for sexting.
8. When you DO decide to sext, you will probably be the one who guides how wild it gets.
Here’s the thing that a lot of honest, decent guys won’t ever admit: they are absolutely worried about creeping out girls. If you are looking to turn a guy on and learn how to sext a guy, be the one who turns up the heat.
For example, if he’s saying something along the lines of how he’s thinking about you, you can follow up with, “How strange... I just got home from work and am now naked in bed, thinking about you too ;)” This gives guys a green light to get hotter, faster.
9. Use good grammar.
You know how unsexy bad grammar is when guys text? Yeah, it goes both ways. A text saying “wyd?” is not as sexy as a text saying, “Hey, what are you up to, cutie?”
10. Respond quickly.
Slow responses can easily kill the mood or just frustrate him. You don’t want to do that.
11. Pick an appropriate time and message.
When you sext is as important as how you sext. Just like you wouldn’t appreciate getting a d*** pic during your board meeting, most men won’t be too happy trying to explain a photo of you to their parents during their little sister’s birthday. Make sure they’re alone and awake before you get totally sexual.
12. Start up slow.
Sure, a lot of guys can go from casual chatting to hyper-sexual, but the truth is that it’s not a good look. Just like you might get weirded out by one too many thirsty comments, guys will often get a little freaked out if you bring out whips and chains right after.
A simple, “So, I’ve been kinda thinking about you lately... ;)” is all you need for most guys to get the idea.
13. Don’t be afraid to compliment him.
Guys do not get compliments, especially when it comes to their body or manhoods. A single compliment will leave most men thinking about you for days. One of the best ways to leave him glowing after a sexting session is to tell him something along the lines of, “I love the way your hands feel. They’re so strong, you know?”
14. Ask him about his fantasies.
Most guys already think up a million and one ideas of what they want to do with a girl they’re crushing on. They also get turned on talking about it, because it makes them think about it more. A “Hey, you have any fantasies you’ve been wanting to try out?” is more than enough for most guys to get going.
15. Use whatever fantasies he talks about as a starting point.
If you play to a guy’s fantasies and fetishes, he will get way more hot and bothered. So, if he says he has a thing for women in heels, snapping a photo of you in a pair of Louboutins will make him go wild.
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16. Get descriptive when you start sexting him things.
As a girl, it’s very unlikely that you should worry about getting too graphic with him. Unlike sexting with ladies, guys LOVE graphic descriptions. Of course, leaving something to the imagination can help him get even hotter for you.
So, don’t just say you want to give him a blowjob, tell him something along the lines of, “I really want to feel you down my throat.”
17. Avoid getting emotional during sexting.
Sexting is really not about romance. We’re not living in a Shojo Beat comic. Rather, think about it more like a Playboy sketch. When you’re getting hot and heavy, don’t say, “I love you.” Instead, say, “I want you in me.”
18. While emotion is not exactly sexy to most guys, a little bit of physically romantic stuff is.
By this, I mean foreplay and kissing. This kind of romance does turn men on. A good way to go about adding that in would be saying something along the lines of, “I really can’t stop thinking about how nice your lips feel on me.”
Another good idea? Saying something like, "You do me so well, you know that? You're the one that I'd say is the best I've had. I'm addicted."
19. Don’t be afraid to draw boundaries when it comes to sexting fantasy stuff.
If he’s really into a certain kink that you’re not into, be open about your disinterest in it before you sext. Otherwise, you might get his hopes up rather than make him grateful that you were willing to talk dirty like that.
If he brings up acting out sexting fantasies after you've made it clear you wouldn't be down for it, saying something like, "I like the fantasy of it, but in real life, it's not going to happen. Please don't try to push the topic."
20. It’s okay to lie.
I assure you that he probably knows that you’re not “on your knees with a toy” right now. Guys don’t expect the truth; they’re expecting fun. If you're not sure what to lie about, something along the lines of, "You know, I'm touching myself right now, thinking about that one thing you do with your tongue..." is a good place to start.
21. Lost creativity? Just describe the last time you had sex with him.
Guys will take what they can get, and in a lot of cases, thinking back to memories of that will be more than enough for them to beg for more. For example, telling him all your favorite details of that time you had sex in a parking lot would be a pretty hot sexting session for most men.
22. Don’t be afraid to use sexting as a way to coach him.
Most men will take the hint if you mention a certain fantasy you openly admit you want to try during sexting sessions. If you’re not sure how to sext and coach him, just lead in with, “You know, I love the way your tongue feels. You should do that more often.”
23. Don’t be afraid to ask “What would you do?” questions to get him more fired up.
These questions tend to fare very well with guys who are more cerebral in their sex play. If you don’t know what to ask, ask him something like, “What would you do if I started unzipping your pants while you were driving?”
24. Get thirsty for him (in the right way).
Men adore the idea of women fantasizing about them. It makes them feel like the man for you. So while you should avoid going crazy-sexual right off the bat, you should encourage him.
For example, “You turn me on so much. Are you trying to make me soak my panties?” Or, a better option: “I want you. Now.”
25. Send shots of your hand holding underwear or bras in the air.
It’s a subtle/not-subtle way to say that you’re naked, while leaving a little bit of mystery to the imagination. A sexting striptease definitely will get him interested.
26. Don’t be afraid to send him teaser texts throughout the day, especially if you’re going to see him later that night.
You wouldn’t believe how many guys get fired up when they see a girl send a phrase like, “Hey there... I got a surprise for you tonight. I bet you’re really going to like it ;)” Another good option? Telling him something like, "I'm not wearing panties today. What's up?"
27. If you are down for it and really are worked up, tell him to come over and have some real fun.
This is what most guys want to hear at the end of a sexting session. No lie. If you want to turn it into a real-life fling, just tell him, “Okay. I need you in me, like right now. Get your butt here NOW.”
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.