Love, Heartbreak

13 Signs You're Accidentally Hurting His Feelings (And It's Killing Your Relationship!)

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hurt feelings in a relationship

Your partner may seem like Prince Charming at times, but contrary to what Disney may suggest, your partner is a human being. This often-overlooked fact of life means that your partner will always have moments where they laugh, cry, and yes, also show off their less-than-perfect side.

No matter who you date, they will not be perfect. And in order to avoid hurt feelings in a relationship, there are certain ways you shouldn't act.

Just in case there were some less-than-clear statements, this means that your partner will have flaws, will not always be a Kodak-moment person, and will also have a set of feelings of their own. Since your partner will be human, you need to make sure that you show love and care for them, particularly when it comes to sensitive subjects.

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Sometimes, it’s really easy to forget that the wonderful partner you have actually has their own feelings. At times, even the best partners may not realize when they’ve upset the person they care the most about.

Wondering if you’ve crossed a line with your partner? Here are the signs your partner has hurt feelings in a relationship — and you are the cause of it.

1. You regularly overlooked something your partner kept asking you to do, until they stopped asking.

People tend to think that seeing someone stop complaining is a good thing, but it’s not. Generally speaking, if they kept asking you to do it and you never did, their cessation of asking means they gave up on you.

That’s a sign they no longer want to try to tackle issues because they feel too hurt and discouraged to bother with trying.

2. Something about the way they're acting seems "off."

Many people who have grown up in tough situations don’t want to admit when they’re hurt out of fear of confrontation. So, they bottle it up. They’ll tell you they’re fine, but they’ll seem more distant or sad around you.

3. If you were honest, you know you did something messed up and hurtful.

If what you did would have upset you, it’s very likely that it would upset your partner, too. It’s way better to admit guilt and realize when you’ve done something hurtful than it is to try to brush it under the rug.

4. You've noticed your partner giving you the "how could you" look.

You know which look I’m talking about. It’s that one look that people give when they really, truly are hurt. If your partner regularly looks at you with the same expression of a kicked puppy, you probably hurt them pretty badly.

5. Though your partner is normally very mellow, they're shouting at you and crying.

It takes a lot for a typically calm person to get riled up to this point. If they’re this upset, chances are you may have done something that got them that angry.

6. You can't help but notice your partner's friends seem icy toward you, and it never used to be that way.

The main reason why someone’s friends will turn against you is because they have heard you upset your partner. If it’s gotten to the point that they don’t want to talk to you, your partner may have complained that you seriously upset them.

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7. Affection has completely stopped.

No hand-holding, no kissing, forced-feeling hugs — all these are signs that something’s seriously wrong with your partnership. If this is fairly recent, then it’s safe to say you may have caused your partner some pain that may have made them feel uncomfortable with affection.

8. You're noticing that your partner is "uncoupling."

If you really messed up and hurt your partner significantly enough to warrant a breakup, you’ll probably notice uncoupling going on. This is a series of behaviors that people do right before they leave, such as adding distance between you two, prioritizing others, putting their finances in order, and more.

9. Your partner has started to resort to passive-aggressive tactics around you.

Passive-aggression is not healthy in any relationship, and frankly, has become a dealbreaker in my book. If they’ve gotten to the point that passive-aggressive digs and sniping remarks are the norm, they clearly are hurt.

However, they are also clearly incapable of actually handling this in a healthy manner anymore. In this case, it’s often best for both parties to call it quits.

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10. Trying to talk to them about anything is like pulling teeth.

A partner that no longer wants to speak to you about anything is a partner who probably has had enough of trying to talk to you. Once again, if it’s gotten to this point, whatever has been going on has effectively killed the relationship, and that means it’s no longer salvageable in most cases.

11. They say things like, "Did you even listen when I told you?"

There are very few things as hurtful as being ignored by someone who you care about. If your partner feels like you don’t listen to what they’re saying, they are feeling pretty upset about it.

12. They make off-handed jokes about leaving.

Whether we like to admit it or not, there’s a lot of underlying truth to the humor we have. If they’re joking about leaving you, they’re really thinking about it and they’re shouldering a lot of hurt.

13. Your partner straight up told you that you've hurt them.

If your partner actually has told you that what  you did was hurtful, listen to them. At this point, they are saying that your behavior is upsetting them and that they want to continue the relationship. Listen to them and work with them if you want to keep them. 

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Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.

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