How To Get A Prenup (Without Sabotaging Your Future Marriage)

Prenups are important, but historically speaking, have also been pretty terrible.

Prenups have a long and painful history, and they aren't often viewed in the best light, no matter how helpful they are.

And the traditional way of getting one of these agreements drawn up was enough to make couples hate each other before they even said, "I do."

In fact, it used to be that prenuptial agreements would go back and forth between the couple and the attorneys, both sides discussing it behind closed doors, making changes, and then handing it back, all the while growing more and more frustrated with the other every time the document changed hands.

But that way is not only not a good or healthy way to proceed with your agreement, it can actually make things worse and ruin the relationship and trust you’re trying to build. So what can you do instead?

As Kevin J. Chroman, family and divorce attorney states in the YourTango Experts video above, it’s important to acknowledge the fact that a prenuptial agreement cannot come at a worse time in your life.

All couples want to focus on their love, their upcoming wedding, and all of the celebrations that are about to begin. But if you need to get a prenup, then you’re going to have to focus on death and divorce instead, which is the exact opposite of what you want to start your married life with!  

RELATED: 3 Reasons You Might Need A Prenup (Even If You're Not Old And Rich)

But it is possible to get through this process without it destroying your upcoming nuptials or making you and your fiancé hate each other prior to the wedding. It’s important for such a tender topic that you approach it as one of the important logistical aspects of your relationship and your upcoming marriage.

Here are 3 ways to proceed with a prenup that won’t end in tears and hair-pulling:

1. You both need to be upfront, clear, and honest about your expectations for the agreement.

The best way to navigate a prenuptial agreement, says Chroman, is to make everything transparent between you, your future spouse, and both of your attorneys. This means sitting together in a room and laying out your mutual goals. The attorneys will work to make sure that you both get what you need, and there’s no need for tempers to flare.

2. Ask the right questions, and focus on the right issues.

It’s fine to lay out the important assets that you want to keep separate in a relationship, because yes, there are things that belong to you, and some that belong to your spouse. But what you should both be focusing most on—instead of how to split things up—is “What is going to be ours?” You and your spouse are trying to build a life together, and every couple wants to build something that is entirely theirs, so this will give you both a chance to do that.

3. Remember that your attorneys are there to help you.

It seems like something that should go without saying, but you’re paying your attorney to determine what’s best for you in this agreement, so lean on them for advice and knowledge in this situation. They will keep your best interests at heart and help you navigate any difficult or confusing areas of the document and make sure that you and your partner are covered for the foreseeable future.

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time (From 50 Marriage Experts)

Kevin J. Chroman, Esq, is a family law attorney who practices in the greater Los Angeles area. If you have any questions regarding this or other legal questions, contact him at his website.