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The two of you are clinging desperately to the shreds of your love...
By Laura Lifshitz — Written on Nov 07, 2017
The two of you were once crazy about each other, but now, one or both of you is not quite on board like before. You’re both going through the motions and the spark seems to have faded drastically.
Neither of you are eager to let go, but neither of you have the desire to change things. So there the two of you are, dangling by a thin thread.
Are you headed for a major breakup or can you salvage what's left of your relationship? Here are 9 signs your relationship is over and you need to accept it.
1. You're constantly crying.
One or both of you seems to break out into tears as if it’s in your job descriptions. It usually comes from out of nowhere — so real and pure, you’d think you were professional actors. The tears are a culmination of the fear of things being down or, perhaps, things unsaid.
2. Your friends don't want to hangout with you as a couple.
I’m not saying that you two have no friends anymore, but no one wants to hang out with both of you together. It’s too awkward to watch the two of you unravel. If your friends do spend time with you both, they are known to break into referee role now and then.
3. You've talked about breaking up.
You two “discuss” the relationship more than you actually have a relationship. Unlike the couple whose relationship is veering on thin ice, you two actively discuss and fight it out over what you two should do, yet there is never a “final” decision.
4. Your sex life has gone cold.
You’re having sex, but it ranges from distant to critical. Someone’s toe is being smushed. Another person is touching too hard. Someone needs you to finish because of a headache. The sex is happening but the pain and anger is under the surface, disrupting what should be true intimacy.
5. Your family weighs in all the time.
The relationship is officially known as troubled and so, of course, your family just has to weigh in. They tell you what they think. They ask questions. They fret over what the situation is doing to you.
It’s as if everyone is sitting back and waiting with baited breath to see what is going to happen.
6. You and your partner are dating other people.
Yes, the two of you have tested the waters with other people. You both know about these dates, which makes it even worse.
In some cases, you two are just trying to make each other jealous; with others, attempting to see if it’s really better on the “green” side of things; and others, you're just doing it because the other person went out with someone else.
7. You're testing trial separations.
For those of you who see signs your relationship is over, if you’re living together you probably already have tried a trial separation or are on the verge of doing so. The end result will be tearfully coming back to each other but still not knowing how to get along, or threatening to break up.
8. You have drunken or late-night breakdowns.
Oh yes, one of you at the very least, if not both of you, have broken down in the middle of the night either face to face or via text or phone call to breakdown.
Usually, it’s a confession of all you’ve done wrong and how badly you want to make it better. At some point, the frantically loud sadness turns into either a fight or somber silence in which you or your partner can’t cry another tear.
9. You feel like you're watching your relationship drift by.
If your relationship is hanging on the last thread, it sort of feels as if you’re watching a train go by. Your partner seems to be going off in another direction without you, in slow motion. Or, it’s you that’s trailing off, yet nothing can be done to stop it. It’s heart wrenching.
Laura Lifshitz will work for chocolate. The former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate is currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, marriage and more for YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more. Her own website is frommtvtomommy.com.
