What To Do When Your Child Tells You They're Gay (A Step-By-Step Guide)

You’ve recently discovered that your child is transgender, gay, bisexual, or has another sexual issue that they’d like to reveal to you and discuss with you. It probably feels like a big deal — that's because it is, but maybe not necessarily in the way you expect it to be. 

This can be a difficult situation, because you may not know exactly how to respond, what to say, or how to make them feel comfortable with talking to you about it.

Related: Yes, There IS A Right Time To Have 'The Talk' With Your Kids

If you find yourself in this situation and you need guidance and how to respond, sex and intimacy coach Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey is here to help. In the video above, the Dr. Bisbey explains what you’ll need to do in order to get through this situation in the healthiest way possible — for you and your child. 

So, what’s the healthiest response you can offer when your child comes out to you, and what should you do?

1. You need to reply with complete unconditional love.

Your child needs to know first and foremost that you love them.

As uncomfortable as it might be for you to sit down and hear their declaration, you have to remember that they are probably terrified of “coming out” with this news to you. In fact, they’ve probably heard horror stories of kids in other situations getting kicked out, or having their parents turn on them … so it can be a rather scary situation for your teen to find themselves in.

The most important thing you can do is to continue extending your love to them and let them know that you’re not judging them. You have to make sure that they know you love them just as much now as you did before the announcement.

2. Don’t question their sexuality.


Don’t ask leading questions that make them feel as though you’re questioning their sexuality or gender or trying to figure out how they would have arrived at the decision they came to.

According to Dr. Bisbey, there will be plenty of time for that later on once you’re both more comfortable discussing the situation together, and they know that you still love them.

Instead of asking questions like, “Well how did you figure that out?” Try to ask them questions that will let them know you’re being inclusive of their needs. Maybe find out if they have a partner, or what you can do to help make them more comfortable as they embrace their newfound self.

Related: 4 Steps To Having Open And Honest Talks About Sex With Your Kids

3. Seek counseling if you need it. 

If you’re having trouble accepting what your child has told you, then it might be best for you to contact a therapist or coach who can help walk you through the process and teach you both how to handle the situation in a healthy way.

There’s no harm in admitting that you need help! Reaching out to someone who can ease the circumstances and get you on the right path so that you both feel heard, understood, and loved can completely change any unease you might be experiencing right around.

If you have a question or need to speak to someone about a similar problem, reach out to Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey! She’s here to help.