How To Have HOT Tantric Sex In A Monogamous Relationship

It's not as freaky as it sounds.

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Everyone should get down with tantra because it’s an excellent way to spice things up in a monogamous relationship.

Tantra sounds a lot harder than it is. From the tenuous, low-key scary, positions found in the Kama Sutra to the erotic statues of Gods with many arms doing all kinds of sex things, it’s not exactly the simplest thing to take on. If you don’t know what you’re doing, where do you even start?




But at its core, tantra is not as freaky as it sounds. In fact, it really is quite easy if you break it down. It’s perfect for couples because it takes trust, intimacy, and bonding to work. Who better to have this experience with than the person you love the most?


Here's how to have tantric sex in your monogamous relationship:

1. Set the scene.

Get into the actual scene. Pay attention to details. Don’t just jump right into the sex. Tantra is about taking all the properties of intimacy and eroticism and amplifying them. Instead of just jumping in, take time to set up a scene that turns you both on.

Start with a bath. Have some champagne. Give each other a massage. You want to get all of the engines going before jumping in. Get sexy.

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2. Make a sensual playlist.



Make a playlist that is devoted to this exact encounter. It will help get you in the mood to think about the tracks you want to have sex to and put them in order.

Pick erotic jams that you know will turn you and your partner on. Keep the music slow so you can move in motion with the tunes. The point is to really get into it and have a good time.

3. Lean into that foreplay.

Next, get into the foreplay. Drag it out for as long as possible. We’re always in such a hurry to orgasm. Tantra is where you need to slow everything down and get reacquainted with your partner’s body.

Listen to what your partner’s body is saying. Think of foreplay as an appetizer as opposed to something you need to get over with to move onto the main event. Sex is supposed to be fun. Slow everything down and enjoy each moment.


4. Stick with basic positions.

Tantra may be something you’ve wanted to try, but weren’t sure how to have tantric sex. It’s true, tantra kind of looks like something exclusively made for Yogis and acrobats. Don’t get intimated. You don’t have to get into pretzel-like contortionist positions to do tantra.

Stick to the two most basic positions: Lotus and sit-to-stand. For lotus, you simply sit on your partner's lap, sitting face-to-face. This is a very intimate, sensual position. For sit-to-stand, lie on the bed with your butt at the very edge. Have your partner stand next to the bed and enter you standing.


These positions allow for a lot of intimacy and closeness, but won’t cause anyone to break a hip or tear a joint.

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5. Focus on your breathing.

Tantra, like yoga, is all about breathing. Take deep, slow inhales. When we get excited during sex, the natural reaction is to either breathe quickly or hold your breath entirely. Instead, breathe into everything that is happening to your body.

Take time to focus on the breath. It will help intensify everything that is happening to you. Orgasm will be more intense if you tune into the moment.

6. Don’t get caught up in the complications.



Try not to think about what’s coming next or if you’re doing something “right.” Tantra isn’t black and white and there isn’t a wrong way of doing it as long as you’re engulfed in the moment and fully embracing the eroticism.

If you get caught up in your head and psyche yourself out, you’re missing the point. It’s not about reaching some higher plane of existence or impressing your partner with your sexual prowess; it’s about human connection and exploring the full breadth of pleasure.

7. Groove and get grounded.

Now is not the time for animalistic humping. There are certainly times for that, but now is not that time. Ground into your hips. Pretend you're on the dance floor at the club and are really grooving to the music. This helps up the sensuality and keep things rhythmic.

Again, don't take yourself too seriously. It's all about going with the flow.


8. Make lots of eye contact.

Don't be afraid to lock eyes. Obviously, we don't mean staring into each other's eyes for the entire duration of sex, but taking time to look deeply into each other's faces breeds closeness. Take your own temperature here.

Start by looking at your partner for a few seconds. If it feels right, try again. Eye contact can be a huge turn-on and helps to increase the tantric nature of this type of sex.

9. Do NOT rush things.

Lastly, don’t rush things. Set aside the entire night for this experience. You and your partner deserve this connection and time. It’s a wonderful way to reignite the spark you have together.


The passion is still there, waiting to be unlocked and given new life. Enjoy yourself and don’t stress about time limits. Life is too short to work on a G-cal.

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Gigi Engle is a writer and sex educator. Her work has appeared in Cosmo, Marie Claire, Glamour and many other places. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @GigiEngle.