Photo: Look Studio / shutterstock.com
Are you sending the right message?
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Jun 19, 2020
Marriage is the ultimate risk for a lot of men, and that’s why so many of them drag their feet to the alter. A scary amount of men cannot and will not commit to good women, and the fact is that many of them realize that, to a point, they’re making a mistake.
A good marriage serves men far more than it does women. So, eventually, most men do marry.
What has always grinded my gears about guys is that they often don’t marry the girls who put in the most work. I ought to know — I’ve been that girl, and so have many of my friends.
I’ve questioned men over what men want in a wife, and yes, I’ve lost any shred of respect I had for most of them. They all have their reasons as to why they don’t marry the girls they’ve spent years with.
What do guys look for in a woman they want to marry?
Here’s what I’ve learned about how men choose a wife from questioning them about the “why’s” and observing them.
1. Your packaging
Want to get married? Present yourself as marriage material.
Be “presentable” enough to bring home to mom or to seem fit to be a mother to his child. Also, be pretty, since most men do care about looks more than they should.
Scarily, your looks also will dictate whether a guy trusts you enough to be with you. Most men I’ve seen only look at superficial appearances to deem whether a woman’s trustworthy or not, sadly.
2. Your overall compatibility... sometimes
You’d be shocked at how many guys will date a woman who has nothing in common with him and go all the way to the altar with her. Many men will back away from women with bad personalities, or will end up mistaking a complete jerk of a person for “a challenge.”
Either way, if they don’t care about compatibility, they shouldn’t be shocked when divorce papers come.
3. Your financial situation and career
Men who care about having a good lifestyle will make a point not to date girls who can’t stand on their own two feet.
This isn’t to say that they won’t support you. However, it is saying that they will probably want to see that you have something to contribute to a household on an equal level to them.
Money is a major cause of arguments, so knowing that won’t be a factor is a good sign.
4. Your goals
No, your goal can’t just be “to be married.” You need to show that you have life goals you want to reach as well.
What are they? And, moreover, do they mesh with his?
5. How their lives are going before they pop the question
Most men say they want to be financially stable, and many also remark that they no longer are into dating as much as they once were. Some also tend to get baby fever when they decide it’s time to get hitched.
6. Whether or not their parents approve of you
If they don’t approve, chances are that marriage won’t be in the cards, particularly if they come from a very traditional family.
This is a good bullet dodged, though. Trust me when I say you don’t want an in-law from hell and a spineless b***h of a man as your immediate family.
7. How nurturing you are
Two of the most commonly sought-after traits for how men choose a wife are kindness and warmth.
In other words, a nurturing personality. This makes sense, considering that most guys want to wife up someone who will eventually be the mother of their children.
8. How well you fit in with their social circle
Ever see a guy who had a wife his friends hated? It’s rare, but it does happen.
The reason why it doesn’t happen too often is that most men look at how their girlfriends behave around friends to determine if they’d want to spend forever with them.
9. As messed up as this is, your "number"
Yes, sex partner numbers matter to some guys. I’ve been dumped over that, and, frankly, I don’t get guys who act this way.
But I guess it’s another bullet dodged. After all, do you really want a guy who is so insecure that a little bit of experience makes you “too much” for him?
Like, come on. That’s such a pathetic thing for a guy to judge on, and it’s basically a guarantee that you’ll get terrible sex, too.
10. How assertive you are
As nice as guys want you to be, they don’t want you to be spineless.
Just like women don’t want to be with a man who has no spine of his own, men don’t want a girl who’s too permissive around him, either. After all, confidence is key, and being assertive is being confident.
More for You:
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. She writes primarily about lifestyle, food, finance, and relationships. You can follow her Twitter.