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A man with a broken heart can not love you properly.
By Laura Lifshitz — Last updated on Jul 07, 2023
You've met this great guy, but there is something about him that just doesn't seem quite right. Is it his mood?
Does he seem hesitant around you? Does he talk about the ex periodically and when he does it's like he's sulking?
Before you become someone's rebound and end up with your own broken heart, there are signs a man's heart is still broken from his previous relationship.
And while he may have told you he learned how to get over a breakup, he's still dealing with heartbreak.
Here are 10 subtle signs a man is carrying sadness over your breakup:
1. He talks about his ex like he's injured
We all talk about our exes now and again. That's normal, as long as it's not frequent. But when your new dude talks about his ex, he talks like he or she killed his cat or slashed his tires.
2. He's very hesitant to commit
He seems very into you but is extremely vague when talking about the future. It seems like he can't decide what he wants: to keep you at a distance or to bring you closer. That hesitation to commit may be a sign he's still broken-hearted.
3. He makes jaded comments about love
When he talks about love, he sounds like a scorned teenage boy who will never believe in a happy ending. You feel a little like he's been listening to too much Morrissey or The Smiths and wonder why he's so downtrodden over love.
Well, he's that way because he's still broken over someone that crushed his dreams and heart.
4. He acts like the International Man of Mystery
Your new love interest is more mysterious than a Rubik's cube. The guy seems like he's trying to conjure up James Dean or for a nineties throwback.
You don't know that much about him and as you attempt to get to know this man, it's sometimes, especially on personal matters, like pulling teeth.
5. He alternates between being emotionally available and emotionally unavailable
Sometimes, he's your go-to for everything and communicates with you openly and freely. Other times, he's cryptic and busy or noncommittal. He seems pulled by inner conflict.
6. He has trust issues
The man trusts you to a point, but he may second-guess you or question you, only to then apologize for doing so. He's not controlling — no, no, no that would be a terrible thing. Instead, he has trust issues and he admits it.
He feels bad for doubting you but has a hard time with trust. This is one of the signs his heart is broken and is struggling to move past his pain.
7. His bad stories revolve around his ex
Does every dark sad tale start and end with his ex? Does he recount these tales during arguments with you? Does he recount them when out socially?
Oh man, you are rebound city if he does. Back up and run.
8. He compares you to his ex
Are you metaphorically side by side with his ex, being compared, trait-by-trait? Not only is this very bad for your relationship, but it's bad for your self-esteem.
It's also a dangerous habit for him to get into, as he will be unable to heal and move forward.
9. He tells you he'll never commit again
Absolute statements like that are negative and also not realistic. And if he feels that turned away from intimacy and connection, you don't want to get any closer to him than you are.
In fact, you should not get involved with him if his idea of love is that fatalistic.
10. He has a horrible self-image
He talks about himself in a very negative fashion and seems anxious. He often wonders why you even like him and he rarely says anything positive about himself. He radiates low self-esteem from every pore in his skin.
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Laura Lifshitz is a former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate currently writing about divorce, sex, women’s issues, fitness, parenting, and marriage. Her work has been featured on YourTango, New York Times, DivorceForce, Women’s Health, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, and more.