11 Men Reveal The Difference Between Good Sex And Great Sex

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what makes sex good

Most of us agree with the Mel Brooks quote: “Sex is like pizza. Even when it’s done bad, it’s still good.” But what differentiates normal, everyday “good sex” from Sex Worth Writing Home About?

We asked what men think about what makes sex good and what qualifies a bedroom romp as next-level awesome. Here's what they had to say.

1. She surprises me with something.

"It doesn’t matter if it’s a new position, a new toy, or even just a new dirty phrase she says — anything different and unexpected takes the whole session up a notch. Even if I don’t like it that much!"

2. She's enthusiastic.

"It really has a lot to do with her enthusiasm and participation. Even if I’m taking the lead on the pace or the moves, if she gives feedback or knows how to improvise with what I’m throwing out there, I’m going to be impressed."

3. She takes control.

"Men have to make so many moves when it comes to dating and sex. Any woman who puts in the effort to get on top and give even 75 percent is what makes sex good in my book."

4. She pushes the boundaries.

"Pushing boundaries without much thought. Letting things flow passionately, capturing the moment as opposed to gong by the same humdrum blueprint."

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5. There's passion!

"For example, even a partner who is average at giving a blowjob is amazing if they suck me like it's all there is in the world; like they have been poisoned, have thirty seconds to live and my testicles contain the antidote."

6. We have chemistry.

"I've learned this as I've gotten older. It is rare to find too, I think. There was a girl I messed around with from work once upon a time who drove me wild, and I drove her wild. Not to get to the gory details, but I have never been with a girl who got that wet. There was one time where I orgasmed moments after starting with her. Problem was, we didn’t have any connection other than the sexual one, so while it was great, that’s where it stopped."

7. There's an emotional connection.

"I feel good sex can be had by and with almost anyone who somewhat knows their way around the bed. But for it to qualify as great sex, there has to be an emotional connection between the two (or more) people doing it. There just does."

8. She's her true self.

"When I feel like I’ve let down my pretenses and am free to be my honest, gross, not-glamorous, sometimes-playful, and very-irreverent self, that’s when sex is the best. If I’m with someone I feel like I have to 'perform' for, I’m not able to have any real fun and it seems like a chore. The best sex I’ve ever had was always when we were being immature and a bit ridiculous but felt safe that the other person wasn’t going to judge."

9. She knows where and how to touch my body.

"I don’t know how to describe it other than to say the type of connection where we’re anticipating each other’s needs. There’s no quantifiable way to define that sort of connection. I’ve been with only a couple people who seemed to know exactly how and where to touch my body when I wanted that exact thing, and somehow I was able to intuit the same in return. It’s basically magic."

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10. She's rough, not polite.

"Spontaneous, no-holds-barred, anything goes sex is always superior to polite, fourth-date, getting-to-know-you sex. Why is it that it’s alright to have the first type with a total stranger in a one-night-stand, but proper etiquette says that doing that at first with someone you respect is wrong? That seems backward to me."

11. She knows how to laugh.

"Almost all of my truly great sexual experiences have involved one thing at some point: laughter. That’s right: laughter. It is the only time where you completely let go of trying to be something you are not and just enjoy the moment."


Liz Pardue-Schultz is a writer and activist based in North Carolina, where she overshares her bizarre journey through mental illness, recovery, parenting, and surviving Southern suburbia on her blog or anywhere she can get published. Her words have appeared in Huffington Post,, XOJane, Ravishly, ThoughtCatalog, and one time in the Letters to the Editor section of Playboy.