Photo: Roman Chazov / Shutterstock
They may not understand the pain you're in, but it's real.
By Angelo Caerlang
Last updated on Dec 24, 2023
When a relationship ends, it's normal to feel hopeless, like your life has been upended and nothing will ever go back to normal. Even after some time has passed and the fresh wound of a breakup is beginning to heal, you may still feel stuck.
While the people around you continue to comfort you in your lowest point, what they may not realize is that you're still hung up on your ex. And, because of that, your sadness, anger, resentment — all of the emotions that go along with a breakup — show up in different ways.
Here are 10 things people don't realize you're doing because you're still heartbroken.
1. You go through old photographs of you and your ex.
When you feel alone at a party, you take your phone out of your purse and browse photographs of you and your ex. You immediately feel nostalgic as soon as you scroll on your phone and look at the smiling faces behind your screen.
You shake your head, unable to believe how quickly people change. You look all around you and everyone seems to be having a good time, while you’re right there, sitting in the corner, remembering how great your life used to be.
Photo: Ivan Samkov / Pexels
2. You refuse to go out with your friends.
You barely leave your home because you’re scared you might accidentally see your ex. You know deep down that you’re not quite ready to have an encounter with the person who broke your heart, despite your yearning to see them in person again.
You want to distance yourself from your ex because you’re hoping it’s the easiest way for you to move on. But the people around you keep telling you it's not a good idea, even though you believe it’s the most convenient way for you to heal.
3. You lie when people ask if you need help.
You keep telling people that you’re fine and there’s nothing they should worry about. But from the bottom of your heart, you know that’s a lie.
You don’t show everyone how crushed you are because you don’t want them to think you still have feelings for your ex, even though you do. You don’t want them to give you advice about how you should find someone else. Right now, there's no one else you want to be with.
4. You listen to the playlist you and your ex enjoyed.
You lay in your bed and listen to the songs that you and your ex used to love. You close your eyes and recall the memories that you had with them — driving in the car together blasting "your" songs, laying in bed sharing the headphones, or hearing those tunes playing at the coffee shop.
You sing the lyrics in your mind and feel the meaning behind them.
Photo: Marlene Leppänen / Pexels
5. You continuously check your ex’s social media.
You don’t have the heart to unfriend your ex online. In a way, you’re still curious about how they are doing.
You still want to be connected and stay updated in each other’s life. You don’t want to eliminate your ex from your life because you’re hoping that one day, you can be good friends with them. You can start all over again without any resentment towards each other.
6. You have the urge to call your ex in the middle of the night.
You’re on the brink of dialing your ex’s number, but your mind is preventing you from making a disastrous move. You stay away from your phone and breathe for a second to think about whether it's the right thing to do.
It dawns on you that it will only make the process of moving on more complicated, so you let it go and forget about calling your ex. But it still haunts you every so often.
7. You've become a little bit distrusting.
Somehow, you believe that everyone who comes into your life will eventually leave. You see everything as temporary.
You’re afraid to invest your feelings into someone else because you don’t want to end up devastated once they’ve decided to walk out of your life. You don’t want to give pieces of yourself to people whom you’re not sure will stay with you.
8. You get jealous when you learn that your ex is dating again.
Your ears turn red when you hear the news that your ex is dating someone new. You either saw photos of them together or heard through the grapevine that your ex has moved on.
You wonder how they could forget you so easily and all the memories you share together. Your initial reaction is that you feel betrayed and hurt.
9. You overeat (or have other compulsive behaviors).
You’ve been craving so many foods since the day your ex broke up with you. Some of your friends notice that you’re gaining weight, but you just shrug off their observations.
Your vices bring happiness in your life and you don’t want to take that away from yourself. You don’t want to deprive yourself of something that gives you so much comfort.
Photo: Darina Belonogova / Pexels
10. You cry over sad movie endings.
You’re not crying because you’re watching alone; you’re crying because the ending of the movie you just watched reminds you of your previous relationship. You can relate to the lead character so much that you think the story is written about you.
You vow to watch the movie over and over again until you numb the pain you’re feeling, until the image of your ex completely vanishes out of your mind, and until your heart is ready to take a risk again.
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Angelo Caerlang is a writer and author of 'Sparks in Broken Lights.' His bylines have appeared on Puckermob, Thought Catalog, and The Mind's Journal, where he writes on lifestyle and relationship topics.
This article was originally published at Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author.