60 Tiny Things That Define What Love Really Is ... In A BIG Way

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what love is


People say you know it when you feel it.

And while that's true, it's also frustrating as HELL.

I have been in love. I have been in love more than once, and I still don't know that I can answer that question: What is love?

No, no, no. Not that. We all know "What Is Love" the song. Like for real: What the heck is love, anyway?

To me, love is so many different things that it's easy to lose your grip on its meaning. Love is a feeling in the pit of your stomach sure, but it's also a choice. Love is a quickie in the bathroom or it's 60-year marriage. Or it's both.

Love is so many things to so many different people.

I thought I would try to write down what love is, and I don't know if I succeeded, but I think I got pretty close. 

Love is ...

1. ... kicking down your walls.

2. ... making yourself vulnerable.

3. ... taking a flying leap. 

4. ... thinking about someone else's needs.

5. ... putting those needs above your own. 

6. ... is wishing you lived inside someone's head and heart. 

7. ... holding in your farts. 

8. ... still being in love when you can't hold the farts in anymore. 

9. ... saying yes to the universe.

10. ... going to his terrible office karaoke party.

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11. ... the way your heart glows when he smiles.

12. ... being able to lash out because you know he isn't going anywhere.

13. ... 3 a.m. dance parties in rural hotels. 

14. ... hurting when they hurt. 

15. ... trying stuff you always swore you'd never do. 

16. ... realizing how lost you'd be without them.

17. ... saying goodnight every night no matter where you are. 

18. ... when they let you sleep in even though they're up with the sun.

19. ... a cheesy disco party.

20. ... a bomb of glitter that you never have to clean up. 

21. ... getting drunk off their skin.

22. ... wanting to have their baby. 

23. ... bursting out laughing in the middle of stupid fight. 

24. ... telling all of your secrets. Even THAT one.

25. ... bringing your imaginary friend to life. 

26. ... a safe place to fall.

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27. ... calling each other out on shit that matters.

28. ... letting the shit that doesn't matter go. 

29. ... sharing a guilty pleasure. 

30. ... telling them about the scar on your shin.

31. ... electric. 

32. ... a battlefield.

33. ... breakfast in bed and the Sunday paper. 

34. ... sitting together and saying absolutely nothing. 

35. ... not knowing if you're going to make it through this. 

36. ... making a promise you hope to God you can keep. 

37. ... a test. 

38. ... an honor. 

39. ... from heaven.

40. ... from outer space, a drug sent by aliens to keep us sexed up and stupid. 

41. ... the first time you had spaghetti. 

42. ... sitting together in the hospital waiting room.

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43. ... slamming the door and swearing you'll never talk to him again.

44. ... your heart flipping over when he texts you.

45. ... laughing so hard you pee a little. 

46. ... suddenly turning into a cat person.

47. ... nicknames. 

48. ... how your heart goes soft when you see his face right when he wakes up.

49. ... swallowing your pride. 

50. ... buying him his favorite candy bar just because.

51. ... still thinking about him years later. 

52. ... feeling nervous when you meet his friends.

53. ... hugging his mother for the first time. 

54. ... popping that zit on his back.

55. ... catching his eyes when you're putting on makeup in the mirror. 

56. ... a disaster. 

57. ... your undoing.

58. ... fighting as hard as you can to stay awake just to be together a little while longer.

59. ... all there is. 

60. Love is why we're here. 

Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday. For more of her work, click here