9 (Kinda Gross) Reasons Why Men Only Like Women Who Are Taken

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why some guys only want you when you're taken

If there’s anything that infuriates a girl who’s been single for ages but only recently got off the market, it’s "The Confession." Girls know what The Confession is, and most guys have an idea of what it is thanks to the flood of romantic comedies that glorify this tacky move.

It’s that moment where some guy friend of yours gives you a sad, puppy-eyed look, then tells you that they’ve “always had a crush on you,” and that they are now “just realizing it.” Then, they ask you to leave the guy you’re dating because they “could treat you so much better.”

At first, this looks like a sweet gesture, but it’s not. If you’ve only recently gotten a new partner, it’s downright infuriating. What makes The Confession so anger-inducing isn’t that the guy is confessing his love to her; it’s that he’s doing it when she’s taken, even though he had the opportunity to speak up for quite some time beforehand.

Every girl, at one point or another, will experience a guy who gives her The Confession treatment. In fact, if you’re like me, you often will experience a string of “Confessionals” every single time you end up getting a new lover. So, is there a reason why some guys only want you when you're taken?

Speaking as a person who only seems to be attractive to men when unavailable, you’re probably wondering why men only seem interested when you’re taken. Believe it or not, there’s a number of reasons why some guys only want you when you're taken and act this way with certain girls — and it’s not actually anything that has to do with you.

1. Guys are afraid of relationships and getting close, so they’ll only confess feelings when they know you’ll turn away from them.

Most guys who pull The Confession are emotionally unavailable and are actually self-sabotaging because they are afraid of actually having a chance with you. Much like a dieter who sabotages food, guys who pull this are trying to sabotage their chances with you because they know they’re incapable of having a normal relationship. Incidentally, if you were to dump your partner for them, they’d also sabotage that relationship, so don’t do it.

2. Many men actually use The Confession as a way to try to get a girl to have an affair with them.

In many cases, guys who pull a Confessional aren’t actually trying to break up your relationship, per se. They’re actually looking for sex or a low-key affair. The idea is that they know you’re unlikely to drop your man for them, but they’re hoping you’ll feel guilty enough or swayed enough that you’ll afford them cheap sex. Yes, it’s as slimy as it sounds, and that’s why you probably should stop talking to them if they do that.

3. Some guys legit just want to stir up drama.

Ever know a girl who can’t stand to see couples stay drama-free? Believe it or not, there are guys out there like that, too. When certain men who are feeling insecure see happy couples, they want to break them up. It’s their way of saying, “I hurt you because I’m hurting, too.”

4. Then there are others who just want whatever is not theirs.

Remember when you were on a playground with other kids and there was one kid who would always take everyone else’s toys? This is the equivalent of that. Guys like this only want you because you’re someone else’s girl, and it makes them feel like hot stuff to steal you away from them. Once they have you, they will lose interest and move on to the next conquest. Why? Because they’re jerks.

5. They like the idea of you rather than you.

When you’re single, guys may have seen you in a worse state of mind or just doing things solo, which would have been less glamorous. When we see snapshots of happy couples, we don’t necessarily see the whole picture. Usually, we only see the good sides of people when they’re together with their partners.

A lot of guys, when they see the “highlights reel,” will want to get in on that, not realizing that you may also have a bad side to you. As a result, some might like the idea of you in a relationship more than the real you.

6. A few lack social awareness to the point that they actually think rom-coms are the way real-life dating is supposed to work.

They are deluded, obviously. They tend to also not understand what it takes to actually be in a relationship, either.

7. They are more afraid of the loss of a potential partner than anything else.

You know how you may feel a slight pang of loss when that one guy who you were kind of attracted to has a new girlfriend? While most people will shrug that off and acknowledge that they probably should have said something, a lot of men just can’t handle the idea that someone might not be waiting in the alleys for them.

For guys like this, hitting on a taken woman and trying to get her to leave her man for them is their way of securing a “backup plan” if they can’t find anything else.

8. There are also guys who are only attracted to taken women because of the fact that it’s taboo.

It’s true. A lot of men  a scary amount, actually have a cuckolding fetish. For them, they fetishize you because you’re taken. They have no interest in you as a person. They just get their jollies off from the idea of sexing up a taken woman.

9. Sometimes it’s just lip service.

Though rarer than all the other reasons on here, there are some guys who think that flirting with taken ladies is a good way to compliment girls. It’s not, but then again, guys aren’t always known for being smooth with the ladies. If you’ve noticed a pattern, it’s because there is one.

When guys are attracted to taken women and pull moves like The Confession, it’s not usually a reflection on the girl in question — it’s a reflection of the guys doing it. So, no, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just that the guys around you probably have problems that you shouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole. 

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