'I Have To Poop' (And 12 More Of The WEIRDEST Things People Said After Sex)

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weird things people say after sex

Sex is an intimate time when we may feel closer to another person than we ever have before. Or, maybe not. Sometimes it's just sweaty bodies and a lot of awkwardness after.

Which brings us to the weird things people say after sex. Some are relatable — "I might have gotten you pregnant, so you should go pee right now" — while others, seem to be about putting as much distance between you as possible — "Have you been eating right? Taking care of yourself?" What, who says that?!

While some may want to remind you immediately how NOT into you they are (despite having just been inside you), others may start sharing too much. Either way, people say some pretty weird things people say after sex that turn us off. Maybe just shut up and cuddle for a while.

1. "I have to poop."

"The weirdest thing I've been told after sex is 'I have to poop.' I can respect that, but makes me wonder if I went too rough!"

2. "How long have you had bacne?"

"I actually asked a guy if he shaved his back and if he works out a lot as he had a lot of inflamed angry bumps on his back after hooking up. I then told him that he was probably dealing with two different issues, ingrown hair and bacne, and applied some products on him. This was Tinder hookup, not someone I was dating. I think I weirded him out by that because he only texted once asking what products he should use."

3. "I didn't puke on your bathroom floor."

"For what it's worth, I'm not the one who puked on your bathroom floor last night."

4. "Wow, this was really good sober, consensual sex."

5. "I thought we hated each other."

"Guy: Wow, we just had sex.

Me: Yep... we did.

Guy: It's crazy! I thought we hated each other like an hour ago."

6. "I want to kill someone."

"Guy: Sometimes I kind of want to kill someone, just to see what it would feel like.

Me: Um... I guess I can understand that. I would assume taking a life would be a really intense feeling.

Guy: Wait... but you wouldn't kill ME, right? (acts scared like I'M the psycho)"

7. "Will you come with me to Crate & Barrel?"

"Guy: I just want to remind you, again, that we are not in a relationship.

Guy (20 minutes later): Can you come with me to Crate & Barrel today? I really want your opinion on a light fixture."

8. "You should see a dermatologist."

"This Frenchie had spent his summer in France and came back tanned. After sex I noticed he had hyperpigmentation on his back that wasn't so prominent before his trip. I told him to go see a dermatologist to get it checked, and he laughed telling me that I was worried for no reason."

9. "This was awesome, but I just want to remind you that I'm not looking for something serious."

10. "Wow, I don't think I've ever felt the inside of a vagina quite like yours before."

11. "I don't like to cuddle."

"We finished having sex and before I could even roll off of him, he told me that he's really not the cuddling type. He then got up and took a shower. I was out the door before he got out."

12. "Will you marry me?"

"After we finished, he told me that he's never felt this way about anyone before and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I've heard a lot of things after sex, but a marriage proposal has never been one of them."