Am I Emotionally Unavailable? 11 Straightforward Ways To Tell

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Am I Emotionally Unavailable? 11 Ways To Tell

Whether most people want to admit it or not, it takes a certain amount of emotional strength to have a healthy relationship.

Healthy relationships take dedication, honesty, integrity, and confidence — and to have all of these, it's imperative that you're emotionally available.

RELATED: Emotionally Unavailable People Share These 10 Confusing Traits

Am I emotionally unavailable?

All those traits take strength to put into action, and without that strength, you’re going to end up ruining good relationships. 

According to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Darlene Lancer, emotional unavailability can be either chronic or situational. For example, past trauma could leave you chronically emotionally unavailable while a recent breakup or move might make you temporarily unavailable.

Here are 11 glaring signs you're emotionally unavailable.

1. You can’t be alone, even if the alternative is an abusive relationship.

The biggest thing that people don’t realize about emotional strength is that it takes a lot of strength to be alone in this world. It really does. If you can’t handle being totally solo, you’re at a very high risk of becoming totally codependent once you do end up with someone.

2. You feel like the only way you can be validated is via a relationship or through sex.

I’ve been there. As hard as it is to understand when you’re in that zone, seeking external validation isn’t doing you any favors. The fact is that putting all the power to make you feel happy and confident in another person’s hands is a horrible idea.

At best, you may end up creeping out the person because you put them on such a pedestal. At worst, you’re going to end up in a bitter cycle of hatred and self-esteem bashing.

3. You’re legit afraid to speak your mind or be yourself.

Yes, there are definitely moments when it’s better to keep your mouth shut, but I’m not talking about those times when it’s just rude to say what you really think of your aunt’s casserole. I’m talking about the times where you don’t even want to admit to liking something or even feel like you need to copy other people just so that you could be liked.

That’s not healthy, and it’s a sign that you haven’t found yourself yet. If you don’t know who you are, then how can someone else like you?

4. You’re desperate.

As totally messed up as it is for me to say this, desperation is also a sign that you aren’t strong enough to be in a healthy relationship. The reason is that desperation makes us do crazy things — things that we really aren’t supposed to do, and we do it because we’re not strong enough to put our feet down and have standards.

5. You can’t say “no.

Yes, it’s nice to be agreeable, but that doesn’t mean that you should be a doormat. Even in the happiest relationships, there will be points where you need to be able to say no. If you can’t do that, then there’s going to be problems down your path if you go into a relationship.

RELATED: Men With These 5 Traits Are The Most Likely To Be Emotionally Unavailable

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6. You can’t admit that you’re wrong.

This is a very, very bad trait to have and it’s often indicative of a personality disorder.

Unfortunately, a very large part of having any healthy relationship is being able to admit that you’re wrong, apologize, and try to make things better. If you can’t do this unless the person’s already walking away, there’s very little chance that you will be able to have a healthy, happy, normal relationship.

7. You also can’t communicate well with others.

Do you have a tendency to bottle things up until you explode over something stupid? Do you stonewall others to get your way? Do you flip out at people on a regular basis? Or, do you pout and whine when you don’t get your way?

If so, then this is a problem that may have already impacted your relationships in the past.

These kinds of communication methods aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship with anyone, and what’s worse is that they may even come off as abusive. What’s odd about this is that it also tends to be a problem that comes from a need to always be right. Before you get into your next relationship, you may need to fix this problem.

8. Most people have called you selfish.

Generally speaking, being selfish isn’t a bad thing. However, if you don’t have empathy for others and can’t care for anyone but yourself, then there’s something wrong here.

Sadly, being too selfish is a sign that you may not be emotionally available enough to make a relationship work.

9. You’re angry and bitter at men.

Technically, anger doesn’t make you emotionally weak. However, it does make things way harder to do right by them. In fact, you may even get tempted to slam them just because you can.

It’s not a good look, and it’s a sign that you may need to heal before you try again with someone else because you are definitely not ready for a relationship.

10. You have a serious issue that you need to deal with — but won’t.

We all have issues, but how well we actually get on in life will depend on how well we handle it. If you’re ignoring problems, they will multiply. You may want to work things out before you dive in.

11. You can’t take rejection.

If you honestly can’t take rejection, then you probably are not ready for a relationship. After all, there will be times when your partner can’t or won’t want to be around you.

So, perhaps it’s time to work on yourself before you try to get with someone else? 

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats.