Life Sucks Right Now? It's Not Just You! FOUR Effing Planets Are Retrograde This Month


Is Mercury In Retrograde? YES! Venus, Saturn AND Pluto Are Retrograde In April Too

After the dumpster fire that was 2016, I bet you were hoping for a calmer and chilled out 2017. We all were, trust me!

But unfortunately, the planetary alignments and astrological forces don't care about what we want. They do what they do and that's that.

According to The Old Farmer's Almanac, the dreaded Mercury in Retrograde will begin April 9th and last until May 3rd.

That's almost an entire month of up is down, left is right, worlds colliding! 


OK, maybe I'm overreacting but maybe I'm not. 

Every single time things in my life are crazy hectic and seem odd and out of place, it always winds up that some planet is in retrograde. So excuse me if I'm not entirely thrilled with the prospect of an ENTIRE. FREAKIN'. MONTH. of this bullsh*t!


I'm a Libra, so by my very nature, I like things even and fair and easy.

RELATED: 11 Brutal Truths About Loving a Libra (As Written By A Libra)

So when I found out that it wasn't only Mercury in retrograde, you have to know that I freaked the hell out!

There are FOUR planets in retrograde this month so we're all doomed. I guess you can say I'm a glass half-empty type of chick.

No matter what your horoscope or zodiac sign is, you're in for it.

Here's the deal and the Mercury, Venus, Saturn and Pluto retrograde dates juuuuuust so you're prepared:

Saturn Retrograde 2017

(April 6 - August 25)

Luckily, Saturn goes retrograde only once a year so once this is over, you can wipe that brow full of sweat and feel relief. But until then, Saturn will kick your butt.


Because Saturn is the planet of discipline, we will feel that our tasks are even harder to accomplish.

You may feel like your annoying co-worker is even more annoying. 

That big project you have due? It will feel like you're trying to climb a mountain.

But it will force you to do things the right way (not necessarily the fun or easy way) and get the job done, even if that means you having to say a definitive "No!" on certain things.

Dare I say, it may make things run smoother? If you have to reorganize your schedule, you will be forced to prioritize everything and that may alleviate some of the extra baggage you've been carrying around.

According to astrologer Lynn Koiner, "Saturn turning retrograde gives us the opportunity to go back and reorganize or renegotiate any activities or commitments that seem to be a source of frustration. If you merely persist under Saturn frustrations, the frustrations will merely persist! Weed out the source of frustration at this time."


Mercury Retrograde 

2017 Dates: (April 9 - May 4)

This (almost) month long fiasco will make you feel like you're in one of those rides at carnivals that swirl you around and around until you want to throw up cotton candy and corn dogs.

But it's OK! We will get through this together, I promise you.

We just need to be a little flexible.


If a date cancels last minute, sigh, cry, and move on.

If you have travel plans and at the very last minute your flight is canceled, tweet the hell out of it to the airline carrier, and move on.

RELATED: How You REALLY Like To Travel, According To Your Zodiac Sign

If at any time you want to quit, break up with someone, or even do the dreaded unfriending on Facebook — wait it out. 

According to Forever Conscious

"With the energy of the new year still in full bloom, this April 2017 retrograde will be mainly focused on grounding and creating a secure foundation so you can move forward with ease and confidence. When Mercury slows down in April, we are all going to be guided to go within and work out what is really important to us and why we want to take the path that we have chosen."



Venus Retrograde 

2017 Dates March 6 - April 15

Since this retrograde started on March 6, 2017, you've probably had already been feeling its force on you without knowing.

Have you been re-evaluating life?

Have you been trying to unclog your life of issues, fights, or problems?


That's more than likely Venus retrograde working. It's all about healing, feeling stronger, and making life work for you!

Astrologer Lynn Koiner says: 

"When Venus is retrograde, it provides lessons in evaluating the real worth and value of people and things in our life (Taurus-Libra issues). With existing relationships, this cycle produces experiences wherein it is easier to discern the relative worth and value of these people in your life. 
Discrimination is more effective. You become readily aware of any problems, differences or unresolved issues."
But it's almost over, so hopefully you're in a better place now with less stress and new beginnings!

Pluto Retrograde 


2017 Dates: April 20 - September 28

First of all, I thought Pluto wasn't even a planet anymore! So why the hell is it bringing us trouble? We can't win.

This one is a doozy because it's a really long length of time and there's no getting out of it.

We're going to start second guessing everything and being suspicious. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily.


It's good to have your guard up when dealing with just about everything, but don't go all Nancy Drew on life; it will just drive you bananas.

RELATED: The Pros And Cons Of Falling In Love With Each Zodiac Sign

Back to astrologer Lynn Koiner who says:

"It is a good time to research into our own Souls in order to determine exactly what we do or do not need. Because Pluto retrograde imparts an intense power for investigation, we should use this time to assess what reoccurring patterns in our lives make us feel out of control, where and why do we continually give our power away, and under what circumstances do we react so defensively that we elicit attacks from others. Pluto retrograde marks a time wherein we should seek to gain greater control over our personal life; Pluto direct is better for gaining control over professional and financial areas."