The 3 Words That Change A Major Fight Into The Deepest Love
It's crucial.
Getty Images When you're dating someone and all is going well, you'll reach a point where eventually, like it or lump it, you have a fight. You just will. Relationship fights are just a thing that happens. We make the mistake of thinking about fighting in romantic relationships as being something that is uniformly bad or negative. The truth is that isn't.
Fights are a part of the reality of being in a relationship with another person. That doesn't mean they can't have a destructive impact on the relationship. There are right and wrong ways of fighting with your partner.
One way to make sure that your fighting is productive and not destructive is to know when to say I love you. That's why you should always say I love you during a fight. Saying I love you as you're arguing helps you return to the emotional center of your relationship and helps you solve the problem at hand with greater ease.
Fighting is a normal part of a relationship. Whether you are in a relationship with a friend or with a lover, having fights every now and then is totally normal.
We are all human and unique individuals with our own world views, opinions, and passions. We can solve a lot through rational level conversation, but sometimes things just boil up to the surface.
When you fight, what you're doing is normal. Hell, it's healthy, even. It's better by far to get it all out, say I love you, and move on to finding a way forward together.
Fighting doesn't mean your relationship is going to end. Some of us are used to fights meaning a relationship is going to end. That's because we've ALL been in bad relationships where we didn't feel comfortable or safe expressing our feelings. Oh, sure, it was fine to express fondness, but expressing displeasure or unhappiness could feel impossible.
A fight in a relationship is just a fight. It happens with every couple. If you or your partner associates fighting with a relationship ending, it's crucial that even in anger you stop and say, "I love you, but this is hard for me." Coming from a place of love makes a person feel safe, and safety in a relationship is critical.
Fighting can mean someone isn't feeling heard. Very often in a relationship, a fight can be a result of a person not feeling able to express their thoughts and feelings.
This could be because of the baggage they've brought into the relationship from their romantic history. But it could also mean that they feel insecure in how you feel about them.
Telling your partner I love you, even as you're fighting with them, can help them realize that tough conversations are okay to have with you. Saying I love you in a fight keeps the argument grounded in what's real: the two of you.
Fighting is sometimes necessary in order to achieve greater intimacy. You know how you can fight like cats and dogs with your siblings, and then be hugging and loving on them a minute later? That comes from the intimacy and love of being raised together.
You know that your brothers and sisters will always love you, so you feel safe to fight with them. Feeling free enough and safe enough to let down your guard, show the uglier parts of your personality, and have a stupid fight with your partner means almost MORE than just saying the words "I love you."
When you can fight with them, make up, and move forward, you're transforming the words "I love you" into action. And that's where the deepest love comes from.
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. Her work focuses on relationships, pop culture and news. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.