How To Prevent The Types Of Fights That Damage Relationships
Disagreement happens in all relationships, but you can do it productively.
Alex Green | Pexels Relationships are a vital part of life and directly impact health and well-being.
Relationships are also fragile and need to be nurtured and protected. With all of the turmoil of politics, the economy, the weather, internet relationships, isolation because of electronics, text messaging, etc., it can put a strain on any relationship. Miscommunication or disagreements can arise, which turn into a fight that rocks your relationship and leads to yelling and resentment.
We can all use some help keeping our lives connected in a healthy, happy way to avoid unnecessary relationship fights.
If you find yourself in a challenging situation or disagreement with your partner, these tips will come in handy to keep relationship fights from turning ugly.
How to prevent the fights that do damage to relationships (that can't be repaired)
1. Avoid blaming or yelling.
Blaming your partner only keeps your relationship fight going because it encourages defensive behavior! It doesn't solve any problems; it just escalates the argument.
When arguing about a problem or disagreement, yelling can make things worse. When our emotions run high, it is easy to fall into yelling mode because you may not feel like you are being heard. But I learned once that the first person to raise their voice is automatically the loser — so avoid yelling and blaming if you find yourself in a relationship fight to keep things civil.
I have been subjected to verbal abuse in my life, and this verbal abuse has been harder to overcome than the physical abuse. It gets deep down into your subconscious and can undermine your self-confidence. A healthy relationship does not have room for this type of abuse. Seek professional help if you find yourself in this type of situation.
2. Avoid using degrading language.
Avoid insults, put-downs, name-calling, or cussing. When you put your partner down or insult their character, it shows disrespect for their dignity. This is another form of verbally abusive behavior. It can harm them much more than you ever imagined.
In a healthy, positive relationship, we want to build up our partner's self-confidence and self-esteem, not break it down, even when disagreements occur.
If your partner is not willing to address the fact they are using degrading or verbally abusive language directed at you, you may want to seek professional help.
3. Never use force.
When someone resorts to physical violence against someone they love, it is devastating to the relationship and the person who is being abused. It is unacceptable behavior to threaten, use force, or even threaten verbally. If this happens, it is vital to seek professional help. Everyone has the right to feel safe and a right to not feel in danger. So, pushing, restraining, and breaking things are all violence and should not be a part of a relationship.
I have been subjected to physical violence, and it is not a part of a healthy relationship. Seek professional help if you find yourself in this type of situation.
4. Avoid the subject of divorce.
When arguments arise, try avoiding using manipulative behavior, like threatening to leave the relationship. This can ruin the trust in a relationship, and relationships are built on trust. This threat creates fear in your partner's mind about how committed you are to the relationship. This mistrust makes it harder to resolve the issue at hand and possibly causes more problems later.
5. Be yourself; describe how you feel.
When arguing, it can be easy to interpret the other person's feelings and make assumptions that may or may not be true. So, stay in your adult mind, be strong, but stay calm and define your feelings and how the situation makes you feel.
When a partner tries to control someone else by telling them how they should think or feel, it puts the other person in a defensive position and distracts them from the underlying issue. Instead, work on the issue and solve the problem to meet each of your needs.
6. Stay present.
When we fight, it is easy to bring up past hurt. Resist this and focus on the present issue. Leave everything else out of it. Try to stay focused on resolving the problem.
7. Listen and take turns speaking.
Be truly present and truly listen to the other person. Then, take turns and allow each of you to speak without interruption. It is critical that everyone feels they have been heard and that each person has been given an equal opportunity to explain their viewpoint on the subject. It is all about fairness and equality.
8. Take time to think and give each other some space.
When we get into an argument it is challenging to look at the situation calmly without emotional input.
So, after you have both spoken your thoughts, agree to take an hour or some time (at a minimum of 30 minutes), to do something else, think about the situation, and meet up again a little later to discuss ideas on resolving the issue. Sometimes, we need time to reflect and think before we come to a calm, well-thought-out resolution that can serve both people's needs.
Rules can help you handle emotional situations sensibly without being exposed to degrading, humiliating, childish, or cruel behavior. That is one reason the court systems allow each party to present their case and hopefully find some resolution. I've found that taking the time out and possibly writing down the pros and cons of each situation can also help you see what you have in common and possibly agree on a situation.
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If you’re experiencing domestic abuse, you’re not alone.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports that approximately 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the U.S. More than 12 million women and men over the course of the year suffer from instances of domestic violence and abuse.
Experiencing domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines domestic violence, domestic abuse, or relationship abuse as a “pattern of behaviors use by one partner to maintain power and control over another person in an intimate relationship.” Any one of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender can suffer from domestic abuse. According to NDVH, close to 3 in 10 women and 1 in 10 men in the U.S. have experienced rape, physical violence, and or stalking by a partner.
If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse or violence, there are resources to get help.
There are ways to go about asking for help as safely as possible. For more information, resources, legal advice, and relevant links visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline. For anyone struggling from domestic abuse, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474 or log onto thehotline.org.
Nancy Addison is a nutritionist, educator, best-selling author, international speaker, healthy chef, and radio show/podcast host. She teaches people about living a healthier, happier life through nutrition and lifestyle.