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Dial 1-800-S-E-X-Y!
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Mar 28, 2020
Despite being asked many, many time, I've always had a hard time coming up with sexting examples for women to try on their men, due to one specific reason you probably wouldn't expect.
It's because sexts, by and large, aren't supposed to be funny.
Sexting is supposed to get you sex, right? Hot, naughty, consensual sex with the guy you've got your eye on.
That's all well and good for some ladies, but what about all those funny, smart chicks who want to get laid — and who don't want to put their sparkling wit and personality on the shelf while sexting?
I mean come on, there are only so many eggplant emojis followed by question marks you can send before you have to seriously start rethinking your sexting and/or life choices.
As for me, I refuse to let it come to that. So I got to work, crafting some sexting examples that fused brains and personality with wit.
Let him know that just because you're all hot and bothered, that doesn't mean you're lacking in brains.
Lo and behold, here are 18 sexting examples for you to try out, and that are practically guaranteed to leave the man in your life both tickled and aroused.
Hopefully, these prove that you don't have to lose your sense of humor get your sexting on.)
1. "Let me worship your penis like the druids worshiped at Stonehenge, maybe."
2. "God may be dead, but my clitoris isn't."
3. "Did you know the pear has the largest cells of any fruit — and that I've got one in my vagina for you right now?"
4. "Your penis reminds me of trigonometry: It's hard."
5. "What I'm going to do to you tonight Erica Jong would super approve of."
6. "Come over later and I'll show you my Feminine Mystique."
7. "Pop quiz hot shot: do you know where the cervix is?"
8. "I want to strip you down like a first-year Latin student parsing a sentence by Catullus on a chalkboard."
9. "Tonight I'm going to tease you just like America keeps teasing women with the ideal of equal pay."
10. "I love you more than grassroots activism."
11. "I just stopped by Planned Parenthood to volunteer, and I've got a condom with your name on it."
12. " More like 'après nous' the deluge ... and the deluge is in my pants."
13. "You make my crotch feel the towns at the base of volcanoes: hot and unstable."
14. "I want you more than the indigenous people of South American wanted to be left unmolested by Western explorers."
15. "I'm worried about the global warming ... in my pants."
16. "I'm concerned about the negative way porn portrays women. We'll have to make one of our own."
17. "The only thing I love more than a good didactic session debating literary criticism is anal sex."
18. "You make me come harder than reading all of the best Bronte novels back to back."
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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr.