Love, Heartbreak

How To Spot A Player

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How To Spot A Player

When my girlfriends confide in me about some of the seriously messed up romantic situations they find themselves in, it's easy for me to judge them and offer dating advice they may not want. Looking at it from a stance of pure common sense, it makes no sense why a pretty girl would waste her time on a guy who only sees her when he needs a ride to the airport.

But that's the thing: love doesn't make sense. Emotions don't make sense. That connection you feel when you're talking to someone over candlelight doesn't make sense. Because if it did, smart girls would be acting a whole lot smarter and would recognize the signs he's a player. 

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Guys who are known as players understand this phenomenon very well. They know that we all have this deep, buried desire to be sweet up our feet whether we want to admit it or not. And they use that knowledge to take advantage of you. 

The only reason girls "waste their time" on guys who are obviously using them is because to them it doesn't feel like a waste of time at all. To them, it feels like love. 

Players will say the right things, do a grand romantic gesture every now and make them feel special. They're not acting like jerks 24/7 and getting away with it.

The best way to spot a player — and to see if you're getting played — is to pay attention to his actions, not his words.

Players will do the absolute bare minimum required to keep you around. It might be a compliment every now and then or staying up late talking to you on the phone or taking you out for ice cream once every few weeks. 

He might act like a boyfriend when he's around, but that doesn't mean he is one. Because when you two aren't together, he's not paying attention to you. He's ignoring your calls, hanging out with his friends and acting like you don't exist.

If a guy really loves you, his behavior won't change whether you're sitting next to each other or are 500 miles apart. He'll make a real effort to see you as much as he can. He'll act like your boyfriend because he likes being your boyfriend. 

So even though you feel like a relationship with this player is just around the corner, it's not. That's just the mindset he keeps you in so he can keep you around. It's messed up — and you deserve so much better.

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