It doesn't matter if you mean well.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Nov 21, 2016
I've been fat my whole life.
I've been fortunate in my fatness, I can still find my size at "straight" stores and the powers that be granted me with a sharp tongue, perfect for cutting bullies to shreds should I choose to employ it.
Not every fat woman is this lucky.
Many of us hide from the world in our bodies, many of us are shamed into silence.
Like so many other fat women, my self-esteem is never guaranteed.
I have to work hard daily to feel good about myself and about my body.
And it's hard to have positive self-esteem when the people around you keep saying the same stupid garbage.
So here are seven things you should never say to fat women, even if you have the best intetions.
1. "You have such a pretty face."
When you say this to a fat woman what you are actually saying is "you are conventionally good looking, and that is almost enough to make up for the fact that your body isn't acceptable in polite society."
You think it's a compliment, but really it's a criticism reinforcing everything fat women hear daily:
You're too big to ever be beautiful.
2. "Things would just be so easy for you if you'd lose weight."
Yeah, that's true. You're totally right.
But you know what else? Things would be a whole lot easier if every time it rained hundred dollar bills would just fall from the sky.
But that doesn't happen. That's not reality.
This is reality and there's no magical sky money and the weight doesn't melt off my bones like butter on a hot day.
Sorry, not sorry.
3. "It's just not healthy"
This is just inaccurate.
You cannot gauge a person's health by looking at them.
I'm going to say it again because this is important and hard for even very smart people to wrap their heads around:
You cannot gauge a person's health by looking at them.
I weigh 200 pounds and I've got low cholesterol and blood pressure to beat the band.
I climb mountains.
I go on jogs.
My weight is not proof that I am unhealthy, so please sit down.
4. "Have you lost weight?"
I know it's been a while since we've seen each other and what you're trying to do is compliment me, but let's stop that, okay?
It's not a compliment to tell me that my body is lighter than it was the last time we met.
When you tell me I look like I've lost weight, I know you're lying, and I know you're doing it to make me feel good, to make me feel beautiful.
I already feel beautiful.
My self-esteem is not contingent upon society's opinion.
5. "You're so lucky just eating whatever you want."
You might really mean this.
You might think "wow, look at her eating a slice of pie and not caring what anyone thinks."
But here's the thing: I feel your eyes on me, and eating this pie is just as hard for me as it would be for you.
Being fat doesn't make me sloppy or funny or oblivious to the world around me.
Please don't patronize me by praising me for not exhibiting the hang-ups a fat person should exhibit.
Also, please come have some pie with me. It's delicious.
6. "Go on, treat yourself."
Just because I am fat, that doesn't mean I eat all the time.
Sure, food is delicious and great and it keeps us alive, but sometimes I'm full.
When you pressure us to eat food it feels awful.
It makes us feel like in order for you to feel comfortable eating, you need to make sure the fat woman is eating too.
Please don't project your issues with food onto me, and when I politely decline whatever food you are offering please respect my decision.
7. "Fat bitch!"
This is a strange one, it's one I still don't understand.
But there's something about being fat and being a woman and having the audacity to walk down the street that really upsets people.
Teenage boys, middle-aged women, all total strangers, they seem to have no problems yelling it:
"Fat bitch!"
Please do your best to remember that I am a human.
Because I am a human, I am worthy of the space I take up on this planet.
Because you are human, so are you.
I would never randomly spot a skinny man and yell "Thin prick!" at him for no discernable reason.
So the next time you feel tempted to yell at me for no reason, try and check that urge and figure out what's going on with you that abusing strangers simply for the fact that they exist seems like a cool choice.
